The Power Within

The Author Is Dedicated To Readers and Principals

Any further threats using my name will be considered retaliation for whistleblowing as well as victim witnesses intimidation.

MICROSOFT TRANSLATOR

DISCLAIMERS

Please be advised that this written work of mine is only THEORY. It's theorizing, pondering and amateur research. I have no belief in anything posted here because if I did I would have had legal action taken by now-until that occurs this blog can only be considered theorizing.

For years I've had here a disclaimer that says I'm often sleep deprived when posting due to my lifestyle as a houseless Traveler (and my age as well as health issues). This should be taken into consideration when viewing my posts and vids on the connected YouTube channel.

Monday, December 29, 2008

More on Gaslighting (links)

(TI activist )Eleanor White:http://www.multistalkervictims.org/gaslight.htm

Blog on gas lighting: http://74.125.95.132/search?q=cache:XmO1K5j3i-0J:behavioralhealth.typepad.com/markhams_behavioral_healt/2008/06/index.html+gaslighting+intellectual+threat+-torches+-lamps+-heating&hl=en&ct=clnk&cd=4&gl=us&client=firefox-a

I dont agree with all that is said about 'The Psychopath' due to the existence of programming, mc, tbmc and survivors of severe trauma. However, it is possible that a person described as 'psychopath' ( the slicker person with a good front that is socially acceptable to me is a sociopath but whatever) can be used in sophisticated games on the chess board or they use those they know are conditioned or programmed to their advantage.
Its a good article for validation for sure:http://www.victimsofpsychopaths.com/index_files/Page309.htm

The big picture:http://www.buzzflash.com/store/reviews/1225
(I have posted before that I noted years ago that what is in fashion with the military/intel in the big picture in foreign or domestic war is oft used on individuals. This is symbiotic due to the fact that, as my mother once said "You can get away with things when everyone else is doing it".. (a telling statement for sure.)

An article pertaining to domestic abuse, but it may help TI's tactically speaking. http://stopra.googlepages.com/thegaslighteffect

Courtwatch (sorry not for group abuse of an individual.):http://www.factscourtwatch.org/Emotional-Psychological%20Abuse%20Fact%20Sheet.htm

There was this great article I looked up...cant find it now. It really described 'gaslighting' as being used very practically, as applied to rivals in business or other scenarios. I mean it made a case for it being totally accepted that this practice is common among people who are threatened by someone who is competition intellectually or otherwise.

I love the statement in the 2nd to last link about Americans are living in an " alternative reality". This must be what I mean when I think 'the timeline is off. Something is out of balance'. Yes, becuz its an altered reality, and it feels like it and processes like it.

2007 Mother Jones article on surveillance /its not over

http://www.motherjones.com/mojoblog/archives/2007/03/3963_police_spied_on.html

This is bad enough but imagine, like me, your health and life ..your FUTURE have been completely ruined. And they aren't done yet, now they are trying to manage and silence victims of these abuses. This article just touches the tip of an ice burg...one that needs to be exposed and I am confident will one day.

They want to keep it minimal I assume. Like all they did was spy or use force on people at rallies and protests.

Does anyone in the USA have any sense of reality left at all?? Do you realize just how corrupt and part of organized crime the police force of every city are, especially Boston and NY? This is why there is an internal affairs department (duh), because of the fact that everyone knows they are too trained, too armed and too smart and think like criminals themselves to be trusted with any amount of power that is not policed itself.
What has happened over the past eight to 12 years if not longer, but with special attention to 2003 onward, is that too many factions of authorities have been created as well as given assignments they cant and shouldn't handle.
With terrorism as an excuse they have indulged in victim witness intimidation and the destruction of many many 'inconvenient' people.
In other words, the people doing the work of what should be FEDERAL and INTELLIGENCE type work, NEVER LEFT THEIR BUDDIES IN ORGANIZED CRIME LOCALLY IN THEIR STATES AND CITIES SO THE FEDERAL END OF WHAT THEY WERE DOING WAS ABUSED TO SERVE THEIR LOCAL INTERESTS.

Aside from my claims concerning MK Ultra and my mothers connection to the human radiation experimentation, there are issues concerning me locally, involving local criminals and I was told that the confusion of the last 8 years was used to make me manageable.

People make fun of me by saying things like " don't blow anything up" and all kinds of intimations that I am dangerous or capable of some sort of terrorism.

I will never forget the arrogance on the faces of some cops in the courthouse in Brighton (D-14) as Scott was in there, dragging me through the mud with domestic abuse nonsense; another diversion as well as info gathering on his part. I did not deserve what was done to me and it will be exposed.
Brighton police are, from back at the days of Kens pub where my mother worked, some of the most arrogant connected jerks and why they had some hair across their ass when it came to me I will never understand. If you dont like my family then go after them....not me.

I was one of the most vulnerable people in this population..a struggling single female trying to change her life in a very sensitive place in a ling transition, a sequence of an equation that had to be worked out to the number and letter or the result would not come out correctly.

They interfered with that sequence. They helped change the outcome. They are accountable.
They helped destroy what I was building, they are accountable.

There is evidence all over the Internet of police abusing their authority in the USA on behalf of the govt against its people, but behind the scenes this has been a criminals field day due to the local and state police abusing their fed given authority to please the same criminals they were jerking off before the damn war.

People do not change their intent because they are handed more responsibility or because there is a war on.

And if you want to keep fooling the public with that Holier than thou right wing crap you can sick it...you are not crusaders and this is not a holy war..those were full of shit as well as this whole campaign was and everyone knows it.

The absolute arrogance of the armed forces who are civil servants over the last 10 years has grown to frightening proportions and the worst part is : they are convinced that the USA is so beat down and scared for its economic future that they feel they are going to walk off into the damn sunset.
A foreign war is not supposed to be one against a countries own people, and what they have done nation wide is not, could never be validated by everyone making sacrifices in wartime.

A lot of what they did comes under pure raping and pillaging plain and simple. A lot of what they did is just for kicks in the heat of war. Their behavior is the most disgusting thing I have ever scene because unlike the shenanigans of the 1970's these a-holes are actually pretending to be on the straight and narrow now, playing it from the end of righteousness.

The worst deception ever and the most dishonesty I have ever seen. What kind of authority other than an abusive arrogant, sick one demands YOU get clean and sober-YOU get your life together, YOU change how you are, YOU need reforming yet they have only changed their appearance so they can get away with the same shit only now look squeaky clean doin it.

Its called an arrogant, paternal, controlling authority figure that is ultimately abusive therefore it seeks to hide its true nature from the public. Nothing has changed...they just let the Feds streamline them so they can hide corruption better now.

The NY city police??Give it UP. Corruption central. People should be spying on THEM not the other way around. How arrogant is this?? I dont care how clean cut and self righteous the Republicans think they can pull off as a front. Still criminals, still human, still thieves.

I notice that they are more creative, their suites look better and they have more style. Great, the Repubs are better more polished artists...that doesn't take away from their crimes.

There is a very suspect feeling in the country right now, like too peaceful. Like the whole thing is over. YOU WILL NOT ESCAPE THE DAMAGE YOU HAVE DONE IN THIS MANNER.

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Tactics/Good 'gaslighting' article

http://blog.maxpersuasion.com/gaslighting-stirring-up-doubt-and-positioning-yourself-as-an-ally/
Good article on 'gaslighting'. The author however needs to stop promoting such things, with the naivete to think that humans can ever be satisfied to use anything simply ethically.

I never fully realized how much gang stalking IS 'gaslighting'. Type into your search box "modern examples of gas lighting (gaslighting)."
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Not alone:http://www.enotalone.com/article/16906.html
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http://en.allexperts.com/q/Psychiatry-Psychology-General-1009/gas-lighting.htm

"Question: if the technique 'gaslighting' is being used on a person surely they are not suffering from paranoia, wouldnt there feelings of persecution therefore be a fact & not imagined?"

Answer: "Hi, Kat,Paranoia is a persecutory DELUSION - not based on reality. If you ARE persecuted then you are not a paranoid, of course"...

What is so annoying about the article on Personality disorder that is a link within the above linked article, is that this is the kind of person you end up as AFTER you become a target for years.
They should have another personality listed: the naive ' i thought I lived in the USA with sane civilized people and had rights' personality disorder. The reason it was so easy to screw me over as well as other TI's is becuz we did trust people and not question motives.
http://samvak.tripod.com/personalitydisorders23.html
I think that the article is included however to point out the kind of person that has real persecution in thier lives might be accused of being delusional and this is the example of what kind of disorder they would be faced with.

Please realize that 'gaslighting' is a very important part of what happens to targets..I did not realize this until too late myself.

Friday, December 26, 2008

Xmas Day 2008

Of course in the morning I got perped by idiots who are out on xmas morn. You have to realize that some people involved in organized stalking are the types who are so horrible as human beings that they alienated their families already in life or they are addicted to stalking a target or any target that they may sneak out under false pretenses early on such a holiday to get thier 'fix'. Then there are those who have to to avoid exposure all their life long..I am sure they have other excuses....I mean reasons they use. How do I know they were indeed gang stalkers? Becuz this particular morning they did it old style, overt, like they did in 2006. Stalking, watching from a curb and then waving and smiling. It was just like the suburbs on this day, becuz no one was out and it was not populated. No cameras, just harassment.

I made long recordings as the harassment progressed and it went on continuously for about a few hours before noon. Their orderliness and tactical strategy is their downfall becuz it leaves them bare on the battlefield...it lets us know that it is organized and sophisticated psychological harassment, thus NOT random or natural 'chaos' type order of events.

Typical of a group with alot to hide.

So later on xmas there was no perp action.. not overt I could see. Then there was the dinner at Pine Street. At the end of the night there was the typical aggravation at how anti intellectual the whole female homeless scene is. I hear the men talking about issues that matter alot more. Some of the women do, but its never a strong intellectual conversation. I must say that it was nice to be somewhere on xmas and also every one was very well behaved.

Lately the shelters have been minus the petty thief idiot population, the loud jerks. Guess they have family or the weather is nicer somewhere else.

I discussed a more sensible shelter with some social services workers today and its all about funding. And also the attitude across the country is 'house everyone'. I am smart enough and have been dealing with systems long enough to know that just becuz you think of a new way to fix the old system doesn't mean it will work and it also means that you still are not looking at the fact that the original system is flawed from the root to begin with. That is why my gen X generation created 'alternative' everything. Not rebellious, alternative. And there should be alternative shelter or hostel/shelter like housing that is an alternative.

After what the system did to me, after the way that HUD behaved with that apartment and the way everyone behaved it would be the height of insult and a trivialization of everything I have fought for to be sucked into the system once again for ANY reason. I have dealt with enough slaps in the face and insults to who I am, what I am, and the talents I had and the life plan I had that now will never come true. Death would have been preferable and NO ONE is going to handle me or sweet talk me back into a corrupt system that seeks only to destroy/alter not assist.
That is the systems ultimate victory. To destroy someone and then handle them once they are beaten down. In fact, it is a matter of pride with our system, that one way or another, you WILL submit. You WILL know your place. And they WILL protect the people who screwed you that really matter.

I was doing everything to the best of my ability with out alot of co operation to begin with..oh, only NOW that I have been dumbed down and worn out and tired am I going to be treated fairly by the system? Uh, I do NOT think so.

Do you realize I have perps (the really sneaky kind who are more like operatives) who used to come up to me at Kenmore in the summer when I would jsut sit there all nite not knowing where else to go. One got talking to me and I was too tired so I just let him talk to me.
He mirrored alot of my story after a while then of course he started suggesting that I had been screwing the system for years because I was so smart and part of screwing the system was to not graduate high school. "Getting around the system" is what he said. Then I noticed after a while he looked ALOT like my ex...a thing they have pulled for years and not so much anymore since I got hip awhile ago. Its pure psychological warfare and its mirroring. As a visual artist by nature primarily, this is not going to phase me..but its amusing thats for sure.

I didnt do great wrong, and this is another attempt to make me feel bad, like a fraud or wrong.

If I am smart enough to get around the system I am called an entrepreneur, you jerks. And inventiveness is an American trait and creative problem solving is a Roman trait.

This woman today said something about writing a story that no one might want to read, that I should not be focusing solely on that. That I need to trust someone eventually, and that nothing in life could have been so traumatic that one just doesnt care anymore.( Part of demographic 'Unaware' or 'In Denial' according to my orderly system of where people fit in with gang stalking.)

A story with my mother: She was cutting off some parts of a plant, like mutilating the thing. I asked her she said that this would make the plant " grow the way I want it too". When a perp comes up to you in AZ and says that you are only allowed to grow very conditionally/under certain conditions its not a happy prognosis for a future.
I will not live out others dreams and fantasies so they can feel like gods. I also had one person close to me say that it had to do with controlling and holding a woman hostage and there was nothing she could do about it. That that was this was partially about. He also said that 'they' (again with the big faceless 'they') tried to put me in a little cell..he was speaking of the real estate company and he finished with " so they didnt have to pay" this may explain the heightened harassment during the time I sued the real estate company but it does not explain the targeting and stalking since 1996 and the 24/7 activity since 2003.
Again, perps who get close to you serve to give you some info that is true but then they are close enough to serve the deceivers by being dis info agents and clouding up the issues.
Over the time I knew him, he had blamed a total of 3-5 different factions, all with intimations and never names throughout my dealings with him. GAS LIGHTING: to withhold info from the victim. By never telling the truth about who is really responsible then you are with holding info and further confusing the person.

ITS ALL ABOUT BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. ITS ALL ABOUT CONTROL. And if this is connected to some sort of child abuse group(s) then you can guarantee that control is paramount to the perpetrators and all involved with them.

These people would fall apart without control over a victim.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

perp tactics/slander

i am sorry for the spelling i was in hurry will fix later. perped trying to pan handle xmas eve down ton crossing Boston (what losers). the perps like to box a ti in, physically and with vehicles. this is a perp staple tactic. i was going to get psyched out of the spot but then a local street guy with some cred showed up and i never saw people leave so fast.
so that was nice.

another thing that is very sad is the slander that validates ti's being harassed. "she's spoiled" "she needs to grow up" or for those who know about tbmc they can be convinced you are a ticking time bomb or some non sense. they aren't told that therapists and psychologists are negligent and dont help you when you ask so you have to figure out creative ways of fixing yourself.

how is it i am spoiled or expect everything handed to me on a silver platter..when rich brats are career criminals that get away scott free or even get rewarded?

Anyone who spreads this knows it is BS and if they don't they are lying to themselves. I was inconvenient that is all I was and I have been told that to my face.

Shielding..

For those of you far enough along to understand what the purpose of sheilding is about I wont get into why one would need to read this at all.

There are plenty of sites on BUYING stuff but if you have reached my level and cant afford anything or are in the 'on the run' phase so that you feel targeted just staying in one location to long, if your situation is similar to mine then use my experience for what its worth.

Old buildings- It seems that old buildings at least here in the northeast and some I have encountered in the mid west are built in such a way as to be more solid. I talked to a few contruction types in passing, older guys, and they said that the old buildings are steel and concrete with alot of stuff that no one can afford anymore or dont want to pay for. I notice time and again that anything steel and concrete, anything that solid, always brings relief to me.

Examples are old hospitals, libraries, hotels. These are still solid but may have variable such as tech inside the building.

You will get relief from hospitals and govt buildings, I assume due to the medical equipment being protected and the other is obvious. If you are a TI your thinking along these lines is much faster than the uninitiated, most people not targeted have to think this over for a second and then say " well, yeah, the medical equipment is protected so I can see that"..these people are still wasting time trying to weigh on the scales if this shit is really happening or not....a luxury targeted individuals no longer have.

There are some colleges that are solidly built that provide some relief but most I find are targeted heavily especially via the computer systems.

Underground: Ahhh, the relief felt at subterranean levels cannot be compared. Going underground when riding the train (the tunnels between stations, not always the platforms at the stations). And anything in a solid building at the levels below street level are so wonderful. Each level downward is more relief.

I dont know about other old buildings like churches etc. Experiement and see what you find. The churches here in New England range from the little wooden kind (useless) to the old stone ones that may provide relief. I hate to be obvious, but there is no more time for secrets or games. Anything built in a Masonic way as it used to be built as it should be built. SOLID and impenetrable. A temple feel to it. THOSE seem safer. A mosoleum, temple feel. Safer than that modern, cheap crap they throw together.
Old hotels that are solid. Unfortunately not only does a computer wireless ruin these safe places a cell repeater on top will mess you up bigtime. Dont beleive me? Good then you arent targeted so go read another blog. I had someone give me a packet of papers that had a diagram and info about the cell repeater towers on top of 335 Washington St in Brighton, MA...they were trying to warn me. I have also stayed at a hotel was old and felt solid but then I slept too high up near the cell tower and...lets say bad things happened to me that night. And I didnt know what it was until I realized that on the third floor I had some difficulty but on the 5th floor it was awful..just awful.
So old buildings that might be safe places are now rendered useless by people adding stuff to them.

Also, if you are in a building where you have to go outside to get cell reception you have what I would consider another safe place. That means it is most likely steel and concrete and maybe you are in a basement apartement. Sounds nice just thinking about it.

I also notice that the sun during the day makes things much worse. In St Louis, when it snowed, which I was told it rarely does there, the disturbances stopped and I felt the level of relief that one may feel underground almost. Dark skies also gave a bit of releif. But here in Boston that has never been the case, the snow brings no relief at all. Storms in St Loius, the near tornado kind, also brought relief.

I have no record of how humidity may fit into the effects. Personally I do alot better in less humidity, especially post mycotoxicosis. But that is a personal health issue, and I have not noticed a difference in humidity as far as relief goes for these other issues.

Magnets- do your own research.

Metal- in some instances a key or other metal object can be of assistance but I have read it can make it worse. I dont have the money to see which metal was which on which key that was helpful...but I know that keys vary in metalic makeup..so maybe different metals?

There are books on this and if you are richer and smarter than me then you should be able to figure it out. But if you are in my position just do your best I guess.

Moving from one location to another- daily move about. And also it might be good to not stay in one state or location too long or in certain seasons. It is not so much the frying that is the problem its the other issues..like your mind starting to get, shall we say, tangled up in thier webs.

You know what I mean. Just find out how long you can stay somewhere without getting brainwashed into forgetting who the hell you are and stick to that.

Weather may be a factor for your physical make up. You as an individual, may do better in low humidty, sunshine, snow, or humid enviroments. Prepare for these as far as you know how it will affect you personally along with how you feel you are targeted. ( gauge this the best you can).

Also, I got away from this idiot I was with by going cross country for a month or two. What I realized is the harassment is nationwide as well as you get fried nationwide...but moreso in some places than others and the gang stalking varies according to city and region. The remote influence does as well.

In St Loius, MO they might want a TI dead due to suicide end of story or commited where as in Boston, MA they may just want you fat, happy, and in some little job somewhere out of everyones way. In other places there may be attempts to get you to join gangs or other types of attempted recruitment. Each place seems to be 'run' by somebody(s) who think they know what is best for the target..but always the targets personal will power is denied. You are still seen as a peice of meat and a non entity. A problem to be either wiped out, shelved neatly or recruited for further use by..whoever.

Water- going over bridges with large bodies of water, being in large bodies of water or even the bathtub seems to help.
Showers are helpful- to get you clean in more ways than one now adays, and to get the circulation going.

Take care of your health and look up diet and herbs. Approach herbs like a doc approaches chemicals. Dont mess with anything you havent read up on and I mean thouroughly. And look up interactions with other herbs and drugs. There are websites where you can look up contraindications ( I am too tired to look up to see if that word is correct or not..sadly a few years ago I would have known if it was right away).

Cut out or down on sugar. I dont care what kind of immune system you have. All of the USA is on a mass sugar high and that is why thier thinking even differs from non sugar takers. I eat like one treat a day and with Candida from Mycotoxicosis THAT is too much. But I survive-why? Becuz I am doing what my body was supposed to before the modern world's invention of junk food of the mind, body and spirit. Perps are shocked and amazed I have lived thru this..OK I was programmed and 'helped' alot by outside forces, that is a definate edge, but me returning to a prmitive state is what saved me generally. And without the health of the physical body, you're done. My youth was also a factor.

Dont be afraid to move around, change your diet and do research.

All your body needs is protien, vegetables, fruits, water and juice, some grain and excercise, sex and you need to excercise your mind, which TI's do without wanting to anyway by necessity.
Yes, orgasms. Laugh all you want. I would say that my health has gone down hill and irreversible damage has been done becuz I have stopped sexual excersise. Look it up.
Along with laughter, this has been proven to strenghten the immune system.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

parellels

http://thedirtiestsecret.blogspot.com/

"Child predators use whatever personal information they have on the child to make the victims appear as liars."

Does this sound familiar? What about grown victims who might tell something damning at a later age?
The fact that our society has readily decided to agree with child abuse in general as well as the abuse and TOTAL DESTRUCTION of older survivors means that we at TOTAL WAR with not only the perps but the public who supports them.
Organized stalking targets are often victims in some way and America wants to look so damn squeaky clean that they will do anything to silence anyone who contradicts those perceptions. Slaves do exist and when they want their freedom they are beaten down, dumbed down and left for dead.

This country thinks its hot shit for being so brutal...and they get an erotic thrill out of the story line itself. They are THAT pathetic. And the northeast will ALWAYS side with the money no matter what is does. It is the only thing they care about and anyone will be sacrificed any way the powers choose for the preservation of that culture.

I am a perfect example...I am expected to be angry for a while, hymn and haw and then accept my losses and my new status as junked and wrecked and move along quietly. If they get you to spin your wheels long enough you'll just go away.

There was this girl in NA in Watertown. She was young and very pretty, very blond. Her father was always hiding in the back of the meeting. The crowd in there seemed to accept him as part of their own no problem. This girl always kept talking about and crying about her father being a child molester and all this anger towards him and what he had done. At the time I couldnt even deal with it and I thought in my way, 'why doesnt she just move on and forget him? or do something to get revenge on him in some way?' but now I get it. Its a power struggle and if she were to just have left the aggressor would have won by gaining the territory and the crowds approval.
I never had a father around to have issues like this with...much to the perps annoyance.
It seems to me that they want to abuse me in similar fashion to make me just as manageable as a woman who has her power taken from her at an early age by a male close to her in bloodline and emotions.

America infiltrated..

Evangelists:http://www.yuricareport.com/ChurchState/DODInvestigationChristianEmbassyRpt.html

Neo Nazi's and Black/Latino gangs: http://www.americanchronicle.com/articles/11373

Israel frowns:http://www.americanfreepress.net/html/pentagon__infiltrated_.html

DiD you ever get the feeling that a sh*t load of other people have a planned war going on and you just kinda wanted to stay in your home, watch sponge bob, paint, figure your world out, and maybe one day soon become a councilor and help people?

Do you have the idea now, years too late that there is alot of shit going down and the pressure is applied to you and anyone else they may not be sure about...to see where you really stand (or where they can beat you down into serving)?

Firstly if you watch Nicktoons at all you might be a child molester so watch out...this can and will be used to hold you as creepy and suspect.

Also, these idiots don't want anyone running around being independent minded and helping anyone else at all. Only under one of their umbrellas is anyone allowed to function.
I have noticed that nowadays you better be part of a gang or you better be under someones umbrella either professionally or personally...hmph.

If anything torture is guaranteed to turn someone into some sort of hater eventually..which it seems they want. Then of course you can be carted out to the loony bin outside in the alley with all the rest of the trash and anything truly brilliant or productive you may have come up with is stomped out of existence.
Be sure that organized stalking, for all its capacity to silence victim witnesses and survivors of atrocities, is used as social control as well.
-------------------------------
Oh and i got a comment that asks me to change the backround to something lighter cuz its hard to read. On Firefox it might be harder to read than other browsers, but on your computer there are tools to enlarge the print or perhaps you can adjust the color.

Postings/ intel collecting strategy by perps/beat 'em down turn 'em perp

As you can see my posts are not written well...gee I wonder why. Could it be living under duress all the time? Or the damage done by betrayal and torture and enough brain damage that I sound stupid or half insane? Well, often I am very tired, beyond tired. And that is the main reason, also I'll be 'upset' for life until this is all sorted out or at least my side is told.

But some posts are written just for specific purposes, like for certain people to read them to get a certain meaning out of it..its not meant for everyone.

Remember that our downfall as targets depends very much on secrecy and that no one understands our point of view or sees us and what we write about as valid. Some of our situations are so damn complicated that even explaining them would make things seem more crazy. No one in a modern country is ever going to believer in the occult so you might as well trash that idea....save it for a novel or a sci fi book.

But what is plausible that no one believes but may soon be forced to consider is the abuse of technologies and the rule over this country by the military industrial complex. I read something about it yesterday...that the Dept of Defense and similar elements have crept like a cancer into a position where they can call the shots and were given carte blanche for too long.

And if anyone wants to deny the existence of corruption among the human race then they will be the ones who are laughed at not TI's.

So if a posting sounds crazy or confusing it may be that it is, even to me when I read it a month later - I'll look at it and say " What the hell was wrong with me at that time?" and I will recall something about the environment like weather or high allergy conditions or very overtired or sick with something.
But other times the posts are just EXACTLY the way I intended, and creative lic. doesn't make me crazy. I have very little patience with trying to write this blog all the time thinking ' Is this or that going to discredit me?' ...I know that the tactic with my harassment that is key is systematic ignoring as a key component with the harassment, so that it makes me more crazy in the long run..to be harassed AND ignored. So the only attention I get is negative.

What is amazing to me is sometimes I wonder just how much the public really knows..and if they do know I am being destroyed then for alot of people to just keep quiet and write it off..a nation of killers. Deep down believing that what is being done is good or necessary.

And you have to realize how many disinfo/true crazies there are out here.
There was that other TI I wrote about, and she seemed to be more of an operative trying to get info out of me and spread disinfo than a genuine TI.
Then there are other people I know who are nice enough but there claims dont make any sense. And the way that they conduct their research or whatever else isn't coherent.

And I am sure that the perps think its great when I am seen w/ them or somehow there is the good old guilt by association where my claims must be just as bogus or questionable just because we are seen together or whatever. Uh, my claims involve real local criminals, not bogey men, so good luck in the long run making THAT stick.

It is amazing too see just what people think will work most of the time.

And its an interesting phenomena..to know someone is a victim of a total railroad job yet to accept readily that they are just nuts instead.

And my mother was right, which she has been to an extent..nobody cares. Not in the general public anyway. Sheep are like that though and should never be depended on for support when freedom fighting. At best my efforts are seen as naive..or something along those lines.

Listen, when you have a woman come up to you in a facility and tell you that "They are mad at you because you are not accepting your situation" and then she tells you that she enjoyed watching Kerry's daughter get destroyed in college because how dare she think she was a hot shit in high school..that she " ..needed to learn how what the world was about". And that everything that was done to her was 'ok' because she went on to run a marathon or write a book....ahh it gets scary.
You have some reaallllyy sick ass people who are in on gang stalking and they will do anything to anyone to feel the burn..or the power that the group collectively gives them as an experience. One is always curious -who are 'they'? I am even wondering if there is a 'they' or if the group itself is claiming that there is a 'they'...better yet, if I was to be seen as a clinical paranoid, me even making claims that someone or even myself used the word 'they' would serve that end. Interestingly alot of people involved have used the word 'they'....its part of gas lighting which is to withhold info from the victim. This does just that: "There is no guarantee 'they' will stop following you", " They need to know someone is advocating for you", "'They' are angry with you because you aren't accepting your situation", " Rachael, cant you see that 'they' are trying to condition you?". (I am shaking my head) Only a true victim of mind control like myself who was already stages along into being traumatized by this campaign would sit back and allow the people around me to get away with saying things like that to me without questioning further as to who are 'they'?

And they knew they could get away with it too. The arrogance of people very close to me playing the gas lighting game by saying 'they' always. Well, let me tell you somthing...'they' IS YOU..if you ever used the word 'they' and you did not tell me what the hell was going on then YOU have taken part as well and I will forever hold you responsible for what has happened as well as the mythical 'they', who I can only assume either
1) Dont exist or
2) are someone they are so afraid of or freaked out by that they remain uname-able.

However, I have seen and heard this as a trend throughout my gang stalking experience as a target or harassment, stalking and psychological warfare- nothing is more useful to the group who partake or to cover the actions of those higher up that to use the mythic and the god like in the story line.
In other words 'they' can be interchangeable with 'the management', 'the owner of the building', 'the boss', 'God', 'this country', 'the elite'...etc. I notice that as I am being perped by the guilty they always blame a higher up more responsible party. One that is unseen and has power over us all.
Another key to cult mind control..the higher power...the one that joins us all. That excuses the behavior of the person who is in your face right now, harming you.
Interesting how that works.

And you will never get the perps to believe they did anything wrong. Alot of them I have encountered think that if you go thru this, whatever results come of it are wonderful and productive..from you writing a book to you letting out some anger over your childhood. All to be done in public so they can watch and observe.

This is the ultimate gang stalking that destroys the persons life and makes them a non entity..that takes away their power for life. These types in the system work along the same lines as the ones who know your business but should not know personal things about you.

These people take it a step further and make themselves not only familiar with you as part of the insult and humiliation, but they get to now JUDGE what is right and wrong to your face as to what the results are of what has been done to you.

All TI's who have physical gang stalking can say that they have encountered strangers who know very personal things about them that they should not know.
However, I have tested this system and in my experience with this they only knew what they had gotten off of my Internet usage from my home, my phone calls both cell and land line, my conversations or musings in my own home and elsewhere, and from talking to friends and family and associates. Whatever I had not revealed that was filed mentally that I had not revealed to anyone, deep in my mind they never ever were able to get to, in fact the afore mentioned ways of gathering intel had at times given them some conflicting info to fact or what was really going on...which was good becuz then I could tell at times that they were bluffing at the poker table and they did not really know everything about me, but in fact depended on me thinking that along with torture to get me to TELL THEM ANYTHING ELSE THEY DID NOT KNOW.

It isn't that uncommon a tactic to get all the info a person has. And I have continued this by revealing info and only then is it mirrored back at me, as if the perps had known all along.

The best thing to do is to just map out the story line and be truthful. Honesty is something the perps manufacture by levels of deception...if that sounds confusing just read above. They collect info and patch it together. Rarely do they seem to genuinely understand the person they are 'studying' or torturing for info. The fine art of human understanding is not something they possess, they are too sick for that it seems.
As every TI knows, they are very sad people. They are sadistic, violent, cheap, delusional, false, weak, unable to make true connections, impatient...in short these people seem permanently damaged to me and that differs from people willing or seeking to heal themselves.

They are all inferior human beings they damn well know it too. I assume for some it isn't their fault, that perhaps they were gang stalked and damaged into being what they are. That is a truly sad fate....why did they not kill themselves instead of let the enemy capture them? I do not understand this. A poor existence of a lesser self is not an existence at all but an excuse..to keep on eating, consuming, breathing walking around. It is not Life and should not be tolerated as an alternative.

(The ending of this post may be offensive to some)Cops as obstacles/ Masons as a practical suspect crime organization(non conspiracy)

Because often they are lied to and believe what they are told. Cops are often in full agreement with corruption being part of the system, and its alot easier for him to either 1) believe the slander about ANY target or person he is handed from sources or 2) know the truth but be self righteous enough to believe that what he is doing is for the general good of the public (ie-rich people including criminals wealthy enough to carve themselves a secure place in the system).

I wonder what he would do if I went up to him and started telling him parts of the true story...just the low levels like the local criminal element that is part of the system who wants me gone becuz I worked for them for 10 years.

The police are a bunch of conditioned programmed individuals who work as a force of one. Often they stay compartmentalized until they are very old and alot of them never 'wake up'. They endure massive amounts of stress and abuse on the job thus their programming or conditioning. I also suspect they are intergenerationaly carrying some genes that make them more predisposed to this sort of work, thus more 'fit' to be military in a job becuz it is their 'nature'.
I understand this more than they realize but it is MY duty, according to MY inner commands to do what I am doing everyday and nothing but death is going to stop me.
This creates an unfortunate clash among people. Often I think they either believe its corruption as usual or they believe slander about the TI that is negative.

Dealing with anyone who is in a uniform that we in our society have been conditioned to spot immediately as helpful or life saving, and now having to 1) deal with them as potential covert enemies and 2) try to remain fair by not judging ALL uniformed personnel as 'the enemy' is not only extremely tiring but heart breaking. One should never have to deal with this kind of betrayal as well as this kind of stress. They may have to deal with the public with this mentality every day or night but TI's often have no obvious training or even a declaration of war as a warning of coming events. TI's are also not getting paid nor promised retirement.

Also, on a more emotionally sensitive level, police by thier nature have to be somewhat helpful or into assisting the public or they would not be capable of performing their functions. When I spoke of mouthing off to those transit police a few posts ago, I noted that their first reaction was to be startled. Only men with some sort of good intentions at deeper levels would be startled. Really stealth criminals would have not been moved at all..like snakes or made of stone. The most dangerous people I have had to deal with are able somehow to actually stand near me for a long period of time and not be sensed by me until much later. THIS is what is really 'negative' or evil. The true killers. And this is the essence also of bad cops...really bad. The killers do not shine, they are not 'good' and they have no presence. 'Death' is all over them when you look at them. They have this look....like they have been buried underground for years..like living corpses. Their is no true humanity that emanates from the truly bad element of crime-the faction that seems to be very stealth in nature. Maybe the men that I have seen that have this 'look' or vibe do more than just murder...there is something else about them. Some other taste for other crimes.

Unfortunately, other cops get pulled into this as pawns on the chess board. Because they believe what they are told they can be big obstacles. I had one who was in the RI commuter rail station who after some of trying to mess with my head said to me " NO more alibis!!" and dramatically put his finger forth pointing at me.
OK, so there is a rich madam and a drug dealer who actually do BETTER in life after I get my life ruined, and my mother is trying to put me away so I don't write a family expose and then their is the jealous and who ever else want to see me gone for what ever reasons....so, alibis for what? Everyone who is out to destroy me has a career criminal background or they have crooked lawsuits/fraud or something that really needs hiding.
What alibis? What the hell was he talking about??? Like none of it makes sense. Until you realize that 1) it was done during the peak of war time where humans are easily swept into a killing/mob like hysteria and need little cause to go after anyone deemed target 2) If lies and slander come down from 'credible' sources and also the Target never gets to publicly tell their story people will be naive enough to go with the lies 3) If you hate the target for personal reasons like you hate women, working girls, non career criminals(people corrupt cops and other militants might deem "stupid people"), seemingly weak or stupid people, ethnic groups or people that can be mistaken for a certain ethnic group ( a whole portion of my ex associates contacts tried to work on me as a Jew because they were so stupid they thought that because I looked a Jew I was a Jew, and this is from one of them who was of Italian descent also...but unlike her I did not don a mustache or was I as dark so I guess she thought I wasn't Italian. Which is bizarre because there was a crowd of wealthy and criminal Jews involved...don't ya think they would know if I was a Jew?? I think these people are either idiots big time or they will believe anything in order to get rid of someone.) Also, it might just appeal to someone, anyone to do the immoral indecent thing and beat down and destroy someone because they can. That seems most viable.

There should be tests to see if someone who is a cop or uniformed personnel in our society is truly of good character but that will never happen because the wealthy criminals wont allow it most likely.

The people who are civil servants because they want to help people will often get crushed under the corruption that goes on...and if they are used by them being misinformed its actually worse because you are dealing with someone who actually believes what they are doing is in the right and the good.

What is worse is the police, who have the worst affect on targets, are the greatest threat due to them utilizing their training for the purposes of harassment. This makes them #1 as the worst perps ever. They are the most nerve wracking and do the most damage. Firemen need to work as a unit and mostly on noise campaigns to get the same results.

And if they are not handled the right way they may become stalkers without realizing the nature of the game....they of course will think they are just doing their jobs but they are so innately territorial that stalking to them is monitoring the parameters or keeping a perceived threat out of area.

I have also encountered police stalking a target as a warning that the target is in danger or around the wrong people...OK so how is a TI supposed to get all this or tell friend from foe? None of it really makes any sense, and sometimes the police are doing stalking or harassment in order to just do damage it seems but then other times they warn of much more covert perp activity taking place in an area.

In the end the cumulative affect is that this game wears out a TI's mind and senses and I think that that might be the desired result.

It seems there is a definite end that all the people involved want to reach which is to take any predatory urges out of the target to render them harmless, docile, 'good', and no longer a threat. To rid the TI of their psychic ability, their territoriality, their sense of self and their high intelligence.
This system creates a vegetable and in the end is a great big memory wipe. Its part of re-traumatizing a trauma victim so they can be reduced to the level of a child.

They want to cleanse people with this system ultimately. They want to make the women virgin again, wife friendly material. They want to erase all you have learned in life about business, crime, authority, your own pride and abilities. They want an average citizen of average experience and average intelligence. They do not want a threat and the people in this system feel it is their duty to erase who you are in order to protect the status quo. They are destroying great artistic potential, great emotional depth, true spirituality, massive psychic energy and ability, true love of humanity, great physical beauty or handsomeness.

All in the name of destroying something great....you are treated like a dangerous criminal who is put in jail until you are docile and old...too old to really do anything anymore-to be of any real danger. The gang stalking system ensures that you are weakened to the level of a 50 or 60 year old in just 10 years. Ultimately robbing you of your life force through heavy psychological warfare.

And somewhere in these people, they actually believe that they have done the right thing, that what they did is good for everyone. That the target will adjust or be happier....you've got complete psychos out there playing god nowadays with dangerous technologies and age old human tactics of social control.

The police have a key role in all this and I see that but dont quite know why that is....I know alot of my ex associates people were Masons and I know that a key few people who were involved were Masons as well. I have seen the idiots who go into that Mason Lodge downtown here in Boston, MA. Funny, they dont look like the descendants of the Pharaohs or of the great sun worshipping cult. They look more like Seth's people who caused unrest in the temples.
That is becuz the Masons have become a self serving greedy overconfident bunch of power loving mindless wonders who will let ANYONE into thier ranks...yeah, that pretty much will ruin the temple. They are NOT Rosicrucian's...obviously. And I think we have all had enough of impostors.
One conversation I had once with someone in an awkward situation was that this man was talking to me like an idiot, cuz he thought I was, then I asked about his Masonic tattoo (so much for the secret in secret society) and his whole personality and demeanor changed. He started speaking intelligently and told me of his actual funeral and his Masonic one when he dies.

Have you ever seen the Youtube videos of the reenactments of some of their rites? Or the fact they have always been anti-female (hmm, your whole deal is based on female worship yet...hmmm, I guess we are only good for a source of energy but not to utilize that ourselves). In the re enactments you can plainly see that they do a good amount of switching of personalities.

There are too many non bloodline idiots running around in this group..PI John?? THAT is a Mason? He's a jerk off compared to what real power is and he is corrupt. THAT is who is trying to destroy me?? HA HA HA HA..

So I dearly hope that none of these clowns thinks that their screwed up boys club (with a few token females these days set strategically to keep away accusations of boys club..and they are as screwed up as the men so rendered useless anyway), their little gang so typical of men, is ever going to be truly effective. And I AM highly suspect of their involvement...not in a mystical, conspiracy sort of way but in a practical kind of way...like alot of the people involved I can say are admitted Masons and it wouldn't be too far out to say that this sort of organization can be used to cover for organized crime.

If you are stupid enough on the lower levels.
Don't you think that the greater brothers are watching you??Or don't you think that there are other factions who are maybe sick of your crap and abuses.

Keep it up geniuses. And I dearly hope that the cops are just corrupt greedy keystones who are either intimidated into going along or stupidly believe that they are doing the right thing for misguided reasons. Becuz if you think that you are secretly in on anything in THIS day and age you are a joke. Nothing is truly secret anymore, unless it is on super high levels that would never even involve me or your sorry asses for that matter.

You wanna know what the grail is?? It is the gold on your badge that stands for doing the right thing..it is spiritual gold. And if you have been in on this nonsense at all you've lost in the journey to seek and find it. Your an idiot first class.

No go play with your friends in the brotherhood, the fraternal order of, or the lodge. Boys and their tree houses are always going to be and are really of little consequence in the end.

While those in the know are at it, look up at a piece of architecture today that is 'Masonic' in nature. Notice those shield like oval shapes always with greenery around them? That mark the entrances? I have one of those between my legs and by virtue of that YOU LOSE and you always always will and don't ever forget it. And that is EXACTLY what it is supposed to represent as well.

You can beat women down as much as you want, you still lose...maybe you shouldn't have fucked with a woman to begin with FOR NO GOOD REASON.

Have a nice xmas all you bastards and remember that all your Christian crap is an illusion. Just you mind that pussy over your heads as you walk into sacred buildings on Xmas day or any other day. THIS is the real structure of power all over the world....and it can bury you just as much as it can give birth to you.

Have a nice f*ckin day.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Another reason that gang stalking is totally feasable..(art used as a weapon)

http://improveverywhere.com/video/

organized crime..another possible part of being a TI

http://www.topix.com/forum/who/anna-nicole-smith/TEA8P7G9G7TFPOGMF

I know this is just about Ana Nicole but the piece written in it is very telling.. that they never forget a 'vendetta' and that it goes out to the person's family. Could be why some people are targeted..if it sounds familiar then this might be something you want to consider. Looks alot more logical at times than 'the govt'....unless of course your govt is now totally corrupt and fond of working with criminals.. more so than other administrations.

It also illustrates what everyone with radar and a brain knows..that these businesses go legit and quiet as soon as they can. So the statement 'under the radar of public scrutiny'.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

torture and depression

http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_qa3912/is_200106/ai_n8986665

http://www.mcmanweb.com/dysthymia.html (too bad targets cant talk to anyone and the other suggested therapies. This is why it kills some TI's.)

good peice:http://www.dabatem.org/index.php?page=icerik&id=13&pn=1

http://scienceweek.com/2005/sb050107-5.htm (ordinary people as torturers).

http://www.cvt.org/main.php/Advocacy/TortureisUn-American/EffectsofPsychologicalTorture

---------------------------

The horor Days are coming: Xmas and New Years. For all TI's it may be more difficult, I know for survivors of TBMC it can be just unbearable. Things may be closed and accessing resouces will be difficult. When I was younger the hammer would just come down during this time..memories would cut me mentally. Remember how badly the system wants you gone for whatever thier reasons are. That is what this is really about and dont give it to them. If you read up more on torture and its affects especially sophisticated phycological torture like TI's experience you will see that you are probably reacting perfectly normally to your situation.
What I would like to see a peice on is how the addition of systematic ignoring by the aware as well as the unawareness of the general public adds into the equation.

These two factors are what really have the affect of wiping the personality and causing things like becoming docile and forgetting what happened. I beleive that denying the victim the reality of thier own life is the final insult.

Friday, December 19, 2008

Randy R re:

I dont have your email Randy and if u sent it ever I prob lost it. You can leave it in comment and I will not publish. I might sell out and put something like that up here though it wud make me feel like the blog looks less legit that way, and I have a fear it wud discredit me. There may be a way around it. Thanx..

And with my situation I am very careful not to say govt or CIA..I have no proof of that. those could be fronts or my perps could be hidden organization, like organized crime...there is hidden money in this country. Its a big country and there are crime orgs you would never think of..its not the kind of people they make movies about.

AJH thanx..

Thursday, December 18, 2008

I got hit veruy badly trying to write my story

I am in tears I cant do this anymore..I get tortured everyday forced to 'tell' and write my story and reveal all this information and then when I try to write it if I write whatever is the wrong thing I get slammed with the worst headache that feels..I mean I am in pain everyday but I can 'handle' it( you programmed peopole know what i mean. We can 'take' pain--not that we should have to, past present for future) so it would take alot to put me into pain where I was in tears.

WHAT THE FUCK DOES EVERYONE WANT FROM ME??? YOU INSULT AND TORTURE ME SO I WILL TELL WHAT I KNOW (OBVIOUSLY) AND THEN WHEN I DO I SUFFER WORSE THAN ANY PERP TORTURE. THIS IS FUCKIN RIDICULOUS, I SHOULD BE ABLE TO HAVE A THERAPIST LIKE OTHER SURVIVORS TALK ABOUT.

WHATEVER THIS NEW SYSTEM IS, AND I HAVE DETERM....

You know who I am gonna tell on? The Fuckers who are making me go thru this. You are fuking dead for what you just put me thru.
I am gonna fuckin get you RIGHT NOW.

THIS IS WHAT IS GOING ON. THEY ARE DEPROGRAMMING OLD MIND CONTROL SLAVES BY FORCED DEPROGAMMING VIA ABUSIVE BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION THAT RESEMBLES THE OLD 'KIDNAP EM, TORTURE EM, RAPE EM' DEPROGRAMMING IN THE OLD DAYS FOR MEMBERS OF CULTS THAT WAS DEEMED ABUSIVE BY PROFESSIONALS AND AUTHORITIES ALIKE SO THEY STOPPED IT.
THIS IS THE PURPOSE OF GANG STALKING AND HARASSMENT AND STALKING AND TARGETING AND CONSTANT 'INTERRIGATION' AND SHAMING AND HUMILIATION AND WHAT FEELS LIKE FALSE SEXUAL STIMULATION. ITS MOBILE NOW, THEY DONT HAVE TO KIDNAP YOU TO A PHYSICAL LOCATION, THAT IS WHY TARGETS FEEL ISOLATED BY PERPS.

THEY ARE SO SELFISH THAT THEY CANNOT ALLOW PEOPLE TO DEROGRAM NATURALLY AND RE PROGRAM THEMSELVES, WHICH I KNEW WAS THE NATURAL HEALTHY THING TO DO, AND MARK PHILLIPS HAS MENTIONED IT IN A VIDEO FROM WAY BEFORE I EVEN STARTED WATCHING ANY VIDEOS ON THE SUBJECT SO AS FAR AS I AM CONCERNED I AM RIGHT IN WHAT I WAS DOING.

HOWEVER I HAVE ALSO SEEN ANOTHER VIDEO WITH MARK IN IT WHERE HE SEEMS TO ALLUDE TO THE FACT THAT NO THERAPIST HAS THE TIME IT WOULD TAKE TO HELP A DEPROGRAMMING PERSON. I DO NOT HAVE TIME OR DO I CARE TO GET INTO CATHY OR MARK OR IF THEY ARE STILL UNDER PROGRAMMING. ALL I KNOW IS ALOT OF WHAT THEY SAY HAS MATCHED MY OWN EXPERIENCE AND RESEARCH AND I AM GREATFUL FOR ANY OTHER SURVIVORS WHO SHOW THEMSELVES WITH HELPFUL INFO...HOWEVER THERE IS A POINT WHERE IS SEEMS THAT I DO NOT TRUST WHAT IS GOING ON THERE BECUZ THERE IS THIS WORKING WITH MENTAL HEALTH PEOPLE AND WORKING WITH LAW ENFORCEMENT...THEY HAVE DONE NOTHING BUT SCREW WITH ME, PERHAPS THOSE ARE NOT THE GOOD ONES WHO WANT TO HELP.
IT ALSO SEEMS THAT THERE IS THAT STATEMENT THAT NO THERAPIST HAS TIME TO HELP DEPROGRAMMING PEOPLE. I HAVE DONE MOST OF WHAT HE HAD MENTIONED FROM THERE ON MY OWN INTUITIVELY. BUT I HOPE THERE IS NOT SOME LITTLE SNEAKY BS GOING ON WHERE SLAVES ARE QUIETLY GOING TO BE DEPROGRAMMED THRU REMOTE INFLUENCE TECHNOLOGY AND ORGANIZED HARASSMENT AND STALKING BECUZ THERE IS NOTHING QUIET OR STEALTH ABOUT IT. I MADE IT PRETTY OBVIOUS JUST NOW CRYING AT THE COMPUTER IN A LIBRARY...

I WILL NOT TOLERATE THIS ANYMORE. PEOPLE SHOULD BE LEFT ALONE TO DO WHAT COMES NATURALLY NOT BE DESTROYED LIKE THIS. THESE JERKS ARE SO GREEDY AND CONTROLLING THAT THEY WILL TRY TO CREATE A MINDLESS ZOMBIE INSTEAD OF LET SOMEONE BECOME A WHOLE PERSON.

IF YOU DO THIS I WILL TAKE EVERY THING I HAVE LEFT IN ME AND I WILL DESTROY EVERONE I CAN BEFORE I FINALLY LOSE IT. I WILL NOT BE FUCKED WITH THIS WAY I HAVE TAKEN ENOUGH CRAP.
I AM SICK OF THIS ATTITUDE THAT I AM TRAPPED AND THERE IS NOWHERE TO RUN OR HIDE AND I BETTER GET USED TO MY SITUATION. YOU ARE GONNA PAY FOR THAT FUCKIN SHOCK LIKE HEADACHE...WHY DO YOU THINK PROGRAMMED PEOPLE DONT WANT TO BE DEPROGRAMMED LIKE THIS OR AT ALL IN THIS WAY?

WE KNOW DAMN WELL THAT THE CONSEQUENCES OF GIVING YOU THE INFO YOU WANT IS WAY MORE PAINFUL THAN ANYTHING YOU IDIOTS CAN DO TO US.

Thats it isnt it..you want us to suffer thru this tug of war where the victim cannot complete either and then you get someone who loses thier minds or you get someone who cant take it anymore and throws themselves out a window or some shit. Go fuck youselves. I will make sure a shit load of people go out that window with me in more ways than you know.

This post will be conveniently ignored or it will be the good old ' the poor thing is so crazy'...i have had enuf of those fucking threats as well. I am done playing with you mother fuckers. Nobody torutres me into being a docile idiot in shelters, then when I finally do what you want I get tortured worse.
Yer fuckin dead. Anyone I can destroy is fucked, and screw my own life as well. No one does this to me no one.

You royal ass holes--- my family, my associates YOU helped this be, YOU pulled me down into this. I was no more crazy than any other life time victim of truama and when I asked for help you all turned on me...and everyone systematically ignores me and helps you jerks get your way.

YOU WILL ALL PAY AND ALL I NEED TO POSESS IS NOT A BOMB OR FIRE OR VIOLENCE ALL I NEED I WHAT I HAVE THE TRUTH.
You are going down, suck me you self rightous mother fuckers. You wanna destroy me?? Bring it on. Bring on every fucked flat foot to come into libraries at Emerson and make drama that I am some threat....no more playing around. The public needs to know the reasons that those FUCKS in blue are so afraid of me..

WHen I was little on of the rotten things my mother did to me was I have this memory that begins in this room with this black man named Rudy, he was a bailiff in the Boston court system and he is from Roxbury. He like little children in unhealthy ways...I had a high fever and I was sick but still I had to sit there with Rudy all alone at night like on a date, while this black fuck sat there insulting me the way perps degrade me today, as he said things like "you women your never satisfied" and acted like a total sexist asshole towards a helpless sick little girl, WHICH IS WHAT PEDOPHILES DO, TREAT LITTLE GIRLS LIKE GROWN WOMEN. The memory goes black after that. The next day he bought me a gold necklace 14 k cheap shit and drove me to my foster home in Wayland...which made me feel shame and embarassement which I could recall into adult hood. Then, Rudy shows up a day or two later with flowers and shit and like this relationship. My mother finally listens to the alarm bells that she is to conditioned to ignore from her own abuse ( I hope Ana Willems burns in hell..her little Catholic hell) and tells him its getting to weird..she panicked in fact. Do you know what its like to see your mother panic like that? Also Rudy gave me this ridiculous self aggrandising peice of shit letter that totally gets into ME way too much and then talks about how girls shouldnt become whores...welll fuck head you might try not treating them as such when they are like 6 then they may not get conditioned.

ANd I am not done yet...that was mild but it shows you what every survivor is shown along the way somewhere. All kinds of people are involved, so dont tell, dont try to have a life and be what we trained you to be...the attitude is that you come from a fucked up family anyway, and your whole family is like that so you should know your place.

As an adult I had to watch a little girl get 'trained' to respond to men in this same way..to have certain ideas conditioned into her as to how to react to males. SHe was (of course) the pretty girl of a welfare mother and my sick ex's sponsor was watching her for the mother. He kept torturing me becuz her foot was bleeding, he kept it that way ( remember you must be able to take pain and ignore your own needs) when I got a hold of her again, she switched to acting like a little girl. A normal little girl. Then he came back and it was 6 year old whore time again.

You wanna ruin my life???Fuck you I am done. And all these sexist fucks who think they know my family dont fuckin know me...I aint my stupid mothers family. Do I look blonde to you...think again shits. My horrid uncle may have hung with ginnies but he aint one of em.

It was so easy to just sacrifice me and leave me for dead wasnt it.

You can all go fuck yourselves.

And the next officer fuck face Dibbles that you send to fuck with me we are going to have story time that includes some more up to date stories..perhaps we'll start with the prominent men of Brookline who like to wear womens dresses and thier lipstick and have you call them Bitch. Next time you do your banking or buy insurance for your business, imagine the fat old Jew your buying from wearing a bra and panties too small for him as he talks numbers with you.

I AM FULL OF STORIES AND THEY GET MORE AMUSING. KEEP ON FUCKING WITH ME ALL THE TIME.

Clandestine operations

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clandestine_HUMINT_operational_techniques

Its so obvious that what is done to us is along these lines.. The maddening thing is exactly who is doing it? ALot of this would explain what goes on in terms of perp motive for harassing us. The recruitment motives look just like what TI's discuss as what 'perps' seem to find useful from..well, being perps.

Look up covert war also.

It seems to be a combo of clandestine ops and psychological warfare.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Alrighty..I am calmer now..

So, I was just a bit upset there...found out that a student here mentioned my panhandling adventure this summer and fall, a gig I have dispensed with as of the colder months..except maybe for a few moments here and there occasionally. They mentioned I was A panhandler and that they questioned this element in their library. Fair enough. These kids are young and they are on their career path. I also have to remember they are Y NOT X generation. Me being a stemmer as part of what I am doing AS WELL AS what I am going thru I MUST remember is foreign to them. They do not have parents from the '60s who will think this is cute, amusing or interesting and if their parents ARE that age, they have forgotten all the things they taught US, thier first children as we grew together thru thier 20's.

I was a bit surprised considering that its an arts college, that they wouldn't appreciate the 'living it while writing it' sort of feel of what is going on here in my situation..but colleges have changed and this generation are not risk takers like we were raised to be. Me rebelling peacefully against oppression by panhandling is seen by them in books about these things but I do not think such actions are real or tangible for them in daily life.
Also, I think it is a very particular sort of arts college...I think these kids would rather keep it all on stage than live it really. Perhaps its distasteful to them that someone would live such a story.

Who knows...I know there are the sort of artists who think that 'living your art' is a dangerous, risky fools game but really I had no choice in this life but to see this thru...it is however my obligation to write about it. In fact that is my ONLY obligation. After that, I can die, go insane or float into obscurity....my job is to retell what I have seen. I do not know why and I am not supposed to care or ask either.

If I do not do this I will be badgered by it until I die anyway.
And one must always consider that that was not an innocent student but a fully informed gang stalker as we call them..whatever they call themselves or consider themselves is their affair. It is sad to think but I have read time and time again about students being in on clandestine ops not just recently but traditionally. I think this has to be one of THE saddest most demoralizing things I have had to take into consideration in all of what I have seen and experienced.

Places of learning..of learning and of books should be more sacred than religious buildings. They are valued higher as far as I see it. They are temples and should not be disturbed. But I have to remember the time I live in and the culture. The only sacred in this society is money and power. There is nothing else honored, so I better get used to it.....as a reality of the battle anyway.

This is why I try to not be at one place every day...I also try to make sure that I get up if a student needs a computer.

I also have to remember that I do not know what the public knows, has been told. It is not my job to care about that.
I was once told by a perp who was an associate for a while that these kids are wealthy and feel they must " defend daddy's house" or castle. I don't know, the people that I am up against locally are pretty sleazy, the idea of them defending these types if pretty unbelievable. However, if someone is connected enough, they will be seen as part of the wealthy set no matter how they acquire their money.
Now that I think about the kind of people that these supposed better than me well to do kids are helping to defend against my vengeance it makes me smile...it means that they are on the side of obvious scum and they are soooo defending rich white trash. Its great to think about my old associates...like I am picturing the people in my life before, as I really know them to be. Now lets picture some students of the local univ and colleges who have engaged in gang stalking or meanness to me.
I now imagine what their parents would think if I picture my ex associates with their kids!! Can you imagine what the students parents would think if they saw them with this local crime element that the cops are so damn fond of protecting??

Yet, these morons, my ex associates live in nice neighborhoods and have seemingly normal lives and no one asks questions. In fact, one of the associates of mine used to pan handle when they were down and out many years ago.
She was always smarter...she didn't insist on crossing over boundaries like I do and making people see her as disrespecting social 'norms'...yet, what choice have I been given?

This is going to be great....another example of someone fighting oppression and 'the norm' not being able to question or see what is really going on. A great commentary on our students as well as our youth.
Of course everyone is going to hate me for 1) telling the truth (as usual)
2) being right
3) making everyone think too hard.

That's it! Stop reading this and go play Warcraft or go onto Facebook. You do not have time to think outside your box! I am the devil incarnate presenting you with Things To Think About...I am worse than a drug dealer.
'Mommy, can I play with perception management?!'
'Yes, dear, but make sure you wash your hands afterwards'...becuz they will definitely be dirty. Or covered in blood depending how far you've gotten.

Dont Think!! The whole country is going downhill! The economy is failing! NO TIME TO USE REASON!!

How utterly convenient is THIS?? Give it UP people.

I have to say that certain security here is very responsible with thier authority, fair.
I hope all who treat me fairly, give and act honorably in positions of power have a truly pleasant holiday.

I am going to picture the perps however, having thier typical awkward moments and drunken fights at the table, holly and all. And all the money and favor from harassing targets..I hope it goes sour this year..in a big way. The obligatory Xmas with the original abusive family that made you a perp....have a goooodd Xmas.

I will be treating it just like another day, becuz that is what it is. My gift is reality. I never again have to be at a table of idiots who hate each other and are bonded by trauma, who hardly know me and dont pretend to appreciate me, but only handle me constantly. I will be independant and among the poorest faction of society, but I will be free of that dead weight known as the abusive, controlling, insulting family of one's birth.
My wrapped box is f*ckin huge and its got ribbons on it that shine. Inside is Nothing..becuz that is what I have to deal with this year. NO BS.

Maybe I'll pan handle again, just to get on the locals nerves...tee hee.

Getting harassed a bit @ Emerson..not the usual

I was just in Emerson today to make a quick stop to look up a few things and this rent-a-cop who has been eyeing me for a while lately outside had to come up and start prowling around and being very intimidating in a veiled threat kind of way.

This is the same guy who I caught eyeing me up yesterday when I was in Dunkin Donuts..is that his beat as well? Which is it? D&D or Emerson? Or the whole sidewalk? He actually went by me in the hallway while I had my bag in this chair and I was standing up...he looked at me and it was real threatening. He WAS stalking me essentially and I say this becuz cops who are in on this do the same 'type' of routine as this every time. It IS stalking of the TI.

Believe me I know this man is a problem and not an honest guy...

Now, the security company downstairs went through the ID thing with me months ago and I was checked out before I was allowed to come up here becuz they had some thefts in the summer due to high school kids getting in here too easily.

Now all the security people know me...why did Mr. Rent-a-flat foot not just ASK them about me?? And also the staff here has seen me. This is the typical way that the perps have to operate..becuz if they WERE BEING HONEST AND NOT TRYING TO PERPETUATE A SCAM THEN THEY WOULD HAVE HAD TO DO THE APPROPRIATE ACTION which wud simply have been to ask around about me.

This f*cker was a joke you had to see it. This kind of intimidation is so 2 years ago....what the hell is he doing? Yer gonna plop down in a chair and stare at me like I'm yer bitch?

Lemme tell you something you on the take scumbag...I told you once that ANY cops who harass me THAT overtly are going to cause some...er..leaks about embarrassing facts about certain important men in this city...AND THAT INCLUDES THIS GUY IN MY FACE. This was really overt and he was strutting around like the 50something pathetic old man that he is trying to appear to have swagger and like he owns the place. He acted like a cop...no, I am sorry a REAL cop wud have stealth and not be THAT sloppy.

I dont know who this guy is, who he is down with or what his deal is but he needs to do his job and not try to play secret agent or criminal. Trust me I looked in his eyes..he aint got what it takes to be that evil, which is a good thing.

I will not tolerate this nonsense. You will not win...you are wrong and you know it. You need to go chase some real criminals and stop being arrogant jerks abusing your authority.

The best part of this soap opera clowns little drama he created (god take a writing class and leave everyone else alone) was when he went up to the poor reference desk employee and involved him in these bogus activities (which is great becuz now I have a witness who says that his actions were indeed 'a little weird'..see now a cop wud not have involved another civilian in their criminal activities..also I do not appreciate him using an Emerson employee and possible student for this nonsense..the people here have pretty much been tolerant of me and allows the public to peacefully co exist with students to gain access. I have NEVER been hassled here by staff...if anything they have been very peaceable especially if I mention I am an outsider artist- I shud really work on that more again. The point is that it makes me more determined when I see gang stalking affecting people who are innocent or have no reason to be dragged into this.
I have been spied on here, like people peeking around corners sometimes or a few directed conversation episodes but its been very infrequent. The one thing here that is interesting has been scent harassment once or twice which I never have experienced anywhere else...it doesnt really affect me. And the only things I really have seen as legit gang stalking have been two directed conversations and a few little spies occasionally.
I just think that Emerson students actually have alot of things to be busy with, they are exercising thier imaginations so frequently in thier work that this sort of activity wud seem a bore to TRULY productive creatives and it is in fact a terrible bore...and perps are tasteless horrid little creatures with small minds who have no idea how to master thier imaginations.
And i wud like to think that Emerson students wud be BETTER than everyone else, becuz they are artists. Secretly that is my elitism I am guilty of....I truly believe all artists are superior to the rest of humanity.
I have been perped by artists dont think they arent capable...but that is more tolerable than by..oh.. a rent a cop for instance. F*cking insulting.

So that is my experience today. I must've said something or wrote something or posted something that shows I am not going to behave and sink into the quicksand as planned...awww, too bad.

So I feel bad for the reference guy.. the rent a perp leaned over the desk and said something. It was so..desperate and dramatic.

I went to the reference person he said it was weird (never try to be a bad actor around people going to school for acting --duh.) and that the rent a cop was asking if they were a truly secure facility. So that begs the question is the rent a jerk even an Emerson security guy? If he doesnt even know the security level or security set up of the building that he is prowling around.

I have to consider that this idiot doenst even know about gang stalking..that someone told him some lies or that he is just threatened by me as a male (yet again) and has decided to take it upon himself to harass me. I hope he isnt a perp..then my perps can bust him up and he wont bother me again...the one benefit of being a prisoner of this type is for some reason only your perps can mess with you as they see fit, other people who nose around you get thier asses beat. I dont really understand what is going on and I may never get it...there is so much I dont get to see.

What annoys me over these many years is that I, a woman of no means, have been treated like a major thief, a criminal, a terrorist...when I am far from any of those things. Its so...non sensical. Welcome to down the rabbit hole. 2+2 WILL = 5 is people are scared or bribed enuff into agreeing that is does.
What knowledge do I have of weapons? Or of chemistry? Or of bombs? The firemen who harass me would be the FIRST ones to suspect in arsons...not a lay person in fire science.
The only problem is that I am a victim and they want me to stay that way. I am a woman who will not behave, who in this day and age is being treated like a slave who has run from its master..can you BELEIVE this sh*t?? And if you dare to fight back then you are trouble, dangerous or a criminal.

They expect to be able to have corruption and justice under thier jurisdiction..which is exactly why they come off like spoiled brats every time I deal with them.

They are spoiled rotten and they will do whatever it takes and continue to have tantrums to keep it that way...and no WOMAN is going to stop thier good time. Well, you little bastards, I aint your damn momma, and I aint yo ex wife (god help those poor bitches)...I am an independent force of nature and YOU interceded in MY affairs. YOU are in MY MY MY MY WAY.
You WILL end up out of my way...
becuz there is no man, no compromised woman, no brainwashed child and no section of the intimidated sheepish public who is going to stop me from getting what should have been MINE.


It is as simple as this... you are still in the red. I could die tomorrow and this would not change. All your brat attacks cannot change the truth. You attacked and destroyed a vulnerable female with no support or protection. You screwed up and you deserve what is coming to you. You are scum and you are guilty.

The whole country is sick to death of your crap and supporting criminals so YOU can ride easy on that wave per business as usual.

Waves crash. Nothing lasts forever...and dont even TRY to turn me into some sort of nut case or some dangerous person becuz I SPEAK THE TRUTH.

This building could not be more secure...BECUZ I AM HERE. If anyone messed with this place I wud be the first one to get security (the real ones who sit downstairs) and be of assistance. Since Emerson has been nice to me while, say, military contract happy MIT was really mean to me, this is someplace I will naturally defend. They know that too..they know that is my nature. I have seen them test me to see if I will come to the aid of people and I cant help it its just part of my nature. My whole family are like rescue dogs and I dont know why that is....but that is the point of the insult isnt it? To make me seem a threat to someplace I am fond of...becuz it takes away something I like.

Remember Lennon wrote in 'Its getting better all the time' that he would be cruel to his woman and "keep her from the things that she loved?" This is the same tactic only done by multi stalkers.

They must separate you from anything you are fond of, anywhere you feel safe and anyone who cares for you or supports you. THEY must own you and the danger of that is that THEY want to isolate you so that THEY can abuse you until you take your own life. I will not allow that and I cannot.
I have somethings to do here in this life and I cannot afford them to be in my way. Its very simple.

What kind of a threat must one woman pose who has nothing and supposedly is SUCH a nothing that she is of such focus to men of authority and their hounds???

Once a stalker like this idiot gets it in his head that you are a chew toy, then he wont leave you alone....I hope he is just a stragler and not a real perp becuz then he'll get his ass chewed out. If he IS a perp, you guys need to look at who you are picking for these gigs...what the fuck was that today? This is like 2004 tactically.

Try to keep up wont you?? It has become a real bore dahlings.
Ta!