Saturday, February 27, 2010
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Cite this article as the Formatted Online Version(2006)
"Breaking Men's Minds: Behavior Control and Human Experimentation at the FederalPrison in Marion” - Eddie Griffin:
"Behavior modification at Marion consists of a manifold of four techniques:
1) Dr. Edgar H.Schein's brainwashing methodology;
2)Skinnerian operant conditioning;
3) Dr.Levinson's sensory deprivation design (i.e.Control Unit); and
4) chemotherapy and drug therapy.
And, as I will point out, the use of these
techniques, the way they are disguised behind
pseudonyms and under the philosophical rhetoric
of correction, and even their modus operandi,
violate the Nuremburg Code,
the United Nations' Standard Minimum Rules for the Treatment of Prisoners,
the Universal Declaration of Human Rights,
the International Covenant on Civil and Political Rights,
the Department of Health, Education and Welfare policy on human experimentation,
and the First, Sixth and Eighth Amendments to the United States Constitution."
I was being hit..hard, and when I wrote this on the computer it lessened. After I posted it the activity ceased.
I now recall that when I asked this staff written about above, Katelin, directions around the area like Pacific beach, she said she was only familiar with some military base she named and ending the converstation said she was "only familiar with the base". I am not saying that she is now military and even if she was in the past it doesnt necessarily mean anything...but then again it might.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Feeling a little guilty afterwards due to the fact that he did take heat for speaking out for an inquiry on 9-11. http://911truth.tribe.net/thread/e73ea25e-af87-4ae8-91f2-729b7c27f77d
Around the shelter there are those rags from checkout at the supermarket..Enquirer and all that. I started reading them during my year long hell with Scott Ashmansky the abusive jerk becuz it provided the best escape from my life at that time..it also illustrates how brain dead one would have to become to date a guy from a Lithuanian/Irish Catholic backround from Jamiaca Plain (a burrough of Boston) who is an avid sports fan and NA 13 stepper. A Hollywood dirtbag promoting porn stars in his later years was a step up from thief/con and in his early years male prostitute/base head. America land of opportunity right? Yeah, for desperate people like that with very little options left but probably plenty of equally sleazy friends...ok ok this is not about him.
Anyway, in one of these rags, it looks like its the Enquirer Jan 2010, there is a story on Charlie Sheen more concerning his arrest and circumstances around it.
I kept thinking after wards about his activism. I know damn well that activists get targeted and the more power in the media or over the public they have the more the system wants to keep them quiet..unless it supports the agenda.
I looked up his family backround and I found his father is a pain in the system's ass as well except in a much bigger way. He's done more and for much longer. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Martin_Sheen#Political_activism
I keep looking at his mugshot, trying to figure him out...I used to have this ability to 'know' things about people by looking at thier pictures reading faces probably. He looks violent thats for sure but underneath he's in pain. In pics when he is younger he looks insecure kind of like 'I can never compete with my dad's career'. He's been spoiled as a Hollywood brat but there is something in his face that also shows the pressures of a life growing up with a powerful and important man.
After researching however it makes sense that there might be something going on due to his speaking out and his dad's activism as well.
I am not saying he is any less of an abuser of women becuz hes been caught doing that for years...I am saying that he seems to get focused on for it and caught when Hollywood has not shortage of sick f*cks to expose- I am saying that the system may be using it to thier advantage. Its his weakness and that is what they use against a target.
Also, interesting is the show Two and a Half Men. Lets say that there is a fellow TI who has noted as part of thier campaign, a period of time where there was much targeting via the media. This show was noted by this person and I am not going to get into the details but there were things in the show that they felt were just way to close to be 'coincidence'. And those things in that show were supposed to be damaging to this target but they saw through it, blocked it and tried to laugh it off.
Another strange occurance related to this show being used against or to mind f*ck our TI friend begins with a black man who was a friend of a friend in TI's hometown. Call him 'T'. T thought gang life was cool. T started talking to the TI and started slipping info. One of the things he said to TI was that he liked Two and a Half Men, and added that it was his favorite TV show and added other information by slipping that made the TI realize that TI was very correct in what they thought they saw in this TV show. Soon after that incident T was approached by a mysterious woman he hadnt seen in town for years. She suggested they scored drugs together and brought home heroin not his drug of choice usually. They were both found dead the next morning in his room....with mysterious needles outside the window sill. The perps made the best of this by making directed conversation around the TI soon after the death was fresh in everyone's minds, saying things like "Well if you killed someone"..and something about turning yourself in. Our TI friend had been a target a bit too long and gotten good at the nature of perp mind games. And this fit thier MO per usual. They still thought TI was stupid I guess.
Also a local scalper/herion addict who hung around that apartment building with those same people one of which now dead, approached the TI in a very obvious manner when police were right there watching that day of the death. This TI avoided him as they understood the intimation of guilt by association but really it was to continue to try to guilt our friend or scare them into going into a police station to start blabbing nonsense out of paranoia. Making a target paranoid is a major perp tactic. And now the cops and fire are involved in a city where their involvement in gang stalking is notorious. So it was the usual after all.
Interesting is to wonder why fat man died. Was it becuz he was simply useful to an attempted set up or could it have been that he, for a moment, made the TI wake up from the brainwash and let them know that it was real...that they were alone and that other people knew full well what was going on?
The reason this story comes up in my mind is that in the same rag there is another story about Charlie Sheen under GOSSIP by Mike Walker (p.12). One about how he has the power to spook execs at CBS concerning leaving the hit show. The creator of the show, Chuck Lorre, is noted as a "total egomaniac" who likes to infuriate Sheen and watch him get pissed off. Recalling what I did about the TI's story its interesting for us to remember that for all the celebs we see that seem messed up or distasteful to us, the truly dangerous and sick are behind the scenes of the entertainment business. Imagine the higher ups who stay hidden. Can you IMAGINE that much power or how sick you could be and hide and get away with it..for LIFE.
I recall this interview with Faye Dunaway. She was sitting beside an older man, a big Hollywood producer or higher up. One of those types that has an awful lot of power but stays behind the scenes and if he has survived to old age he cant be a saint. I noticed how this powerful woman, one of the most beautiful faces to grace the screen, acted like a little child in this man's presence. How commanding he was..and how she seemed to be kissing up to him to survive. How arrogant he was. His answers to her childlike questions were..impatient and curt. I couldn't deal with seeing that for more than a few moments I think I turned it off in disgust.
Watching someone like her so small in a man's presence like that. A woman that scares the help at restaraunts, who is an ultimate 'bitch' and is beautiful enough to pull it off easily, seeing her almost cower or at least act ultimately respectful made me realize- along with this story about Sheen- that we shouldnt shoot the messenger.
The truly obnoxious sick f*cks are perhaps behind the curtain pulling the strings.
I think these celebrities are under pressure from many directions but imagine the monsters who are behind the scenes. Just imagine how f*cked up they are, seriously.
Now you can see how TI tv can be a reality if you have enough money or enough motive (or obsession).
That organized stalking and harassment has been noted as part of Hollywood's intimidation system by people dealing directly with contract negotiations and consulting on movies (like my post about the real life Quiz Show contestant who got stalked and harassed and pumped for info working on a movie deal. )
Powerful egomaniacs who like to watch people squirm..hmm. My old associate had clients that might fit that description. She fits that description and so does my mother but she has alot less power..and if she does have that much power then the system is a joke for giving it to her.
Its interesting that he's like one of the only domestic abusers in Hollyweird who gets attention, as well as he has this higher up on his ass.
I am much more intrigued by the idea that this TI is sure of the show being used for psych warfare on a target. And how the creator happens to be in the newspaper for being a "total egomaniac" who likes to torture people and watch them suffer.
Who ever said that imaginative artists would always use thier talents for good? Just like anything else it can be used to destroy.
So every time I hit that "religious" or spiritual wall: WHY am "I" in a "SYSTEM" (or "matrix") that is clearly designed and perpetuated to keep me from self actualization? Publish Reject"
Thank you for this comment and for understanding..for being knowledgable.
One of the worst things for TI's psychologically is that we have no one to talk to about the details of being targeted. Other TI's have to be kept at arms length for safety as many of us learned the hard way of infiltrating enemy factions posing as targeted individuals such as disinfo agents,perps, handlers or sabateurs. If you are programmmed you may be assisted and protected and even have a natural ability for intelligence games like these but without proper training its all taken very personally and does a real job on the survivor/target's true self and genuine emotions. Becuz the campaign seems to be about us, personally as people, we involve ourselves as such...especially when strangers are attacking you using very personal information, mirroring you with private intimate details that they should not know.
That is the perps greatest weapon I now realize...THEY ARE NOT PERSONALLY INVOLVED. This is why TI's seem so shocked at how no one cares what is happening to them- its this simple: everyone who DID care about you has either found reason to betray you for whatever thier motives or has locked you out to save thier own asses. That leaves the perps and you have no power over THEM as you would your intimates due to them being UNknown to you. THEY have power over you however as a target becuz they seem to know much about YOU. This gives them an incredible amount of power and leaves the target at a total disadvantage.
Recall what that young perp said to his 15 year old girlfriend in Memphis TN when she felt bad for me and expressed emotion: "She's just a target". This is their attitude exactly for the most part. Its like working in the sex industry. You dont really care about these people they are just a source of revenue..you dont know them personally unless you become friendly for a while. The difference is that in the sex industry people satisfy or even heal...at least pleasure and release, and usually the person on the other end had to willfully ask for such an experience to occur.
With gang stalking the TI did not ask to be engaged in such activities as gang stalking by perps and it does not provide release, pleasure or anything else positive. It destroys the person.
You have to understand the dynamics of power involved. These actions are ordered by people in power and the perps are all about power...and lessons about power. In the long run one may say that it makes certain targets stronger but the price is usually health that is damaged, destroyed sexual prowess, personal power and sense of pride and Self. Its a very 'satanic' way of strengthening a person and its definately a satanic idea of strength. It cuts the person down so they are limited to this very concentrated strength but so much else of the person is now destroyed. It does NOT have to be done this way and the person could have been strengthened in other more positive ways.
It reeks of the military as well as this is so similar to their boot camp training. I have had a few people say to me that I am harassed due to the military seeing my ways and my way of life as foreign to them, intimating that this is being done to make me more like them as far as discipline and responsibilty go.
IF you can get a victim to believe that they will be on thier way to finalizing the brainwashing. However, the timing in which this was done (medeprogramming, rememvering) as well as the informaiton that would have been damning to certain people that is now lost makes this whole excuse very suspect. There are times before 2003 where I could have been seen as much more 'weak' and in need of strengthening.
Thats all bullshit and dont believe it for a second. This is about retraumatizing someone so they dont recall the original traumas. So all that affected them before is wiped out along with who they were. IF the target can be harassed enough with the idea that they deserved this or that they needed to be stronger to make it in life or that they were not living correctly that they were 'wrong' in some way then the TI themselves like a brainwashing victim will begin to believe this, even secretly so deeply internally. THis is why sexual harassment and sexual arousal along with torture, humiliation and shaming is SO important to make this work.
It is one of the only things that will over time transform the TI to thinking the way the perps want them to. Without sex the perps could not accomplish what they do as far as behavior mod and brainwashing. Sex and all that they connect to it is the ONLY thing that can go so deeply into a persons psyche. I cannot speak for how this works with men but perhaps it works moreso on women. In a psychological warfare campaign, one needs to be brutally honest about what is around them...what the enemy is and how he thinks as well as the realities connected to any of the campaign. PC will get you killed on both sides or failure. SO as we all know in reality women are represented as Betty Crocker in America and men as virile sexual animals but notice how women have to be the ones in sexy clothes and made objects of all the time. F*ck feminists becuz I think they just dont want ANYONE to look sexual at anyt time, anywhere. Notice how its carefully orchestrated in our society that MEN are never objectified sexually. Every woman who is honest with herself knows that those bullshit mag covers with some lame ass Hollywood star as "biggest hunk of the year" and "most handsomest man" is all topical. A womans idea of sexual fantasy is alot more perverse than George Clooney or Brad Pitt. These are polite fantasies for women to show the public as part of keeping society in order, being seen as good wives and mothers and most of all- avoiding both men and other women from calling them 'whores' or viewing them as oversexed. America is totally paranoid of female sexuality especially in the primitive sense. Its no surpirse that the only Marilyns we have now are Latino and African American. Porn stars are the only white women I see who are objectified as sexy. My theory is this is partialy due to AIDS having run its course through human populations due to the female body being seen as sex itself unless you are a gay male and I dont know how they percieve women really. Some seem to like women and some are not female friendly at all.
This society has slowly sanitized sexuality so that even the filthiest porn star now looks like Mrs Brady or a soccer mom. Sensuality is non existent. Its like June Cleaver or The Good Girl meets flashiness and that is where it ends. Its very..ugly. And not very intense. It feels disconnected, unatural and very very judgemental of women. If any woman was capable of just jiggling like Marylin nowadays they would harass her with the idea she is a whorish bimbo or out obsenity laws on her. People have been trained to fear the heavy sexuality of a true female form..and I dont mean the fat girl from Titanic becuz for her bone structure and height she was JUST FAT. And that is part of the con right there...everyone was running around fawning over the movie becuz finally they had a woman in a movie who had a shape! A white woman! Yeah, she was a fat shape end of story. And Anna Nicole was just ridiculous even though I liked her ballsiness to get out of the gutter.
Lucy Lawless as Xena had to be a hardass and muscular as well as in the end she had to be gay. There is good example of a true Marylin type nowadays. The thing that made female years ago is seen as extremely threatening now and AIDS has alot to do with it. Also shapes like that are being seen as 'ethnic' for some reason. My mother was 6'1" with DD boobs. We come from all blonde people so where is the exoticness of her backround? German most likely is where her shape hails from cuz my grandmother is Irish/French and she does NOT look like that. Its from my German/Dutch grandfather from New Orleans.
I notice on British TV the women playing 'tarts' on sexy ads or shows for sex content are big, built and very much NOT politely unsexy. Thier facial bone structure is usually to die for. Perhaps this is considered very sexual and NOT polite for proper society I dont know..but they certainly arent afraid of the big bad female. America IS afraid nowadays.
If men were sexualized the way women are in America, I mean really objectified daily in media and such I think we would have a very different world to live in. (Perhaps world peace hey? Or constant war who knows with men.)
Denying women their true levels of sexuality is a way of controlling women in this society. Promoting motherhood over intellectual achievement or artistic achievement is common. Its not unusual for women to expect me to pay attention to thier kids or give them special treatment due to them being moms. I jsut politley ignore them and tolerate thier children the way a good German Shepard attack dog would. "I will protect you if necessary but other than that I am only tolerating you becuz there are other things around me to focus on". Women seem to hate this and in our society women need only become mothers and little else for reward and security. Women are capable of much more especially when that estrogen starts to even out with testosterone levels like at my age.
I believe that women, especially certain women are highly sexual and moreso than men perhaps or in even running. Society MUST learn that there are sexual athletes and warrior types and its natural for certain PEOPLE not a certain GENDER. There is a pregnant girl here with us in the shelter. Having had an abortion a few years ago its natural for me to kind to her I like her as a person anyway. The other day she said she was hungry after eating just a dinner for one, and something primitive in me started looking around for more food and after that I had this urge to go out and kill something and bring it back to her. In other instances when younger it was my urge to either protect females in a group or take charge of their children if they seemed unable to tend them themselves. Society has got to start accepting what ancient man knew- certain women are jsut more geared towards being protective, physical or sexual like 'men' are percieved in our society.
The gang stalking system knows everything about its targets. It knows who is highly sexual and it seems to use this against the person. Women may jsut be more sensual than men and if this is so for a target that sexuality is used against them to get very deep into thier psyche, attaching to it ideals , ideas- the suggestions that are part of brainwashing. This is why sex is used as abuse in programming or any kind of conditioning or brainwashing. It is a strong bonding agent as well as it gets down deely into the person. All the perps have to do is attach their desired ideas or suggestions to that sexual abuse and traumatize/train the TI into transforming.
In the end its like any other part of these campaigns: taking away the TI's Will. Making sure everyhting they do is NOT of their own will. Its cult mind control in its simplest form.
Today on the train its so obvious that I get alot of now very subtle harassement and its really further attempts at control and brainwashing. There was a guy sitting to my left and he had to sit looking at me instead of facing straight ahead. Also the muscle guy behind me tapped my seat with his bottle and stayed standing behind me...this unconshusly says "you are surrounded, we are again in control". And then a woman sat facing me in the seat with a kid. I ignored the kid and kept playing with my mp3 occasionally listening to metal. Eventually when it was obvious I was not going to pay attentiion to the kid or the mom, there was this disapproval. There could also be felt gentle pressure from that man to my left as well we the mom to PAY ATTENTION TO THE KID OR THE MOM. When I did not there was a definate body languarge and looks of disapproval. I knew it was gang stal.king but I couldnt get up I didnt want to deal with being fully realizsed of what was happening.
When she got off at the same stop as the guy to my left, a man came on and sat in her and the kids seat. He brushed his hand over his forhead while taking a peek at my chest, then I looked him in the eye like "wtf?" usually with normal people this works to make them behave but he made it obvious he was going to continue the peep show.
I moved and did not like haveing to give in due to this. I now realise as I write this that teh message was "conform to society's polite ettiqutte as well as the ideal of womanhood here in the US or be treated like a whore all the rest of yer life." You could sense the military or presence of gangstalkers who are pros. That body language was present even before the idiot on my left.
Its all very subtle now as I am controlled and kept down effectively here in san diego. I am so worn down and mind controlled via all the years of harssment that its easy for htem to train me now with sublte ways like this opposed to hardcore harassment. They figure my sense of reality and self has been so messed up by now that its easy to start to form me or continjue to form me through subtle harasment alnd stalking.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Due to the nature of programming for many survivors as well as mind control (brainwashing ) being used on all targeted individuals at some point in their campaigns I refrain from suggesting any religious affiliations. I also do the same for comments by readers. Lately I have been getting many comments detailing certain mainstream religious practices as part of the readers daily script to deal with being targeted. I let this go usually if a TI simply expresses their religious affiliation in passing in thier comment.
However long drawn out comments detailing religious practices or beliefs will NOT be posted here.
After having the system come after me with LaVey type satanism even involving the Satanic Bible but then switching to heavy pushing of Jesus, most likely realizing I thought the Church of Satan jerk offs as well as invalid due to LaVey being a Jew, that I had years of experience with a bit of occult research all of a sudden the tiny terrors disappear and comments about my god leaving me to die stop coming and now its Jesus freaks.
Due to it being very obvious that religion and spiritual belief is being used only as a weapon for psychological warfare I do not include any religion on this blog. If you notice there is all kinds of content in my activism from music that can be considered black metal or death metal to more 'positive' influences...ALL useful in the fight against oppression. Obviously the system ONLY BELIEVES IN OPPRESSION not any particular religious or spiritual affiliation.
The comment I got today was very suspect. As a TI you have got to pay attention not to what is being said or read or heard or seen but PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR REACTIONS. There is tech and new techniques being used that you wouldnt believe unless I mapped it out for you and I dont have time to do that here...its along the lines of whats on the blog anyway. Just accept that anything you may not have thought possible IS by now and trust your reactions. I dont care how benign the content seems. And any 'themes' period of time, like over a period of time there seems to be alot of attention to Jesus and it just gets more detailed and starts to feel like brainwashing TAKE NOTICE and that includes Satanism or anything. The two themes with me seem to be to make me choose Jesus freakery (via down south or Cali type Christians) or popular American Satanism that dreaded LaVey crap.
The worst threat to the system seem to be a non Judeo-Christian belief that is gnostic and not Satanic either except for Christians dubbing it so due to it NOT being Christian.
I should really piss them off and get into Catholicism like my family backround....I notice that is never suggested.
Since the beginning of all this I have been actively let astray from studying Hermetics which just came naturally to me most likely from whatever Rosicrusian influence that seems to just be pre existing. Its like that is the ultimate threat to the system and they desperatley want to pull me apart badly over time until I attach myself to Satanism or Christianity and I notice that Jesus is pushed heavily instead of say Catholicism where Jesus is kind of like God's kid and Mother Mary has alot of weight as either 'mom' (or being from Boston 'ma') or a very strong feminine aspect introduced into the spiritual system of Catholicism.
The beat down is incredible and to try to suggest any kind of religion to someone or to be targeted with remote influence to gain that end with the TI is not only cruel, unfair and perhaps criminal but it is NOT a proper way to choose a religious belief.
ANY decision made under duress is not a good desicion. I will NOT faulter on this issue.
I will NOT be coerced into a religious belief system due to being tortured systematically.
Why is that so important anyway. It seems like once again a breaking of the Will is the utmost goal as well as submission to a system instead of the Self. Also suspect is they are both malecentric belief systems with heavy influence from a male diety.
If Satan or Jesus was a chick I would be less suspect.
So any comments that are focused on religion I am sorry but I just cant post them for my safety and the safety of readers.
You can comment as you like but dont be offended or hurt when it doesnst post...I need input for people to take in that is helpful or informative to targeted persons or educational.
Tonite was a shocker- I came out of the shower and it was quiet at 9 pm. TV was off by 9pm as well. Then the phone rang the way it did one other time they were trying to comply with the rules or had to due to pressure. That didnt last either.
So I actually started to unwind and got some of the first real rest in a long time like back when I first got here and Jane was on staff and Shelley was sick so Jane had everyone be quiet at 9pm and we couldnt even raise our voices to speaking level if we wanted to speak to Jane after 9pm. We had to whisper. THAT ended when Shelley got back. Jane joined right in with the noisy late night card games.
Well Venus left and now the other heavy set one who was the worst loudmouth here always dominating the space with her presence non stop. We have a few people here who do alot for the place to help out and they act like staff and obviously have been here too long.
After the phone call tonite the quiet ended with this one girl going up to the desk and having a conversation with Shelley. Both of them are now laughing making noise and carryihng on. Note that they STARTED this at 9:45. I filmed it and I am not going to apologize for that. I want everyone to see what I went through with corruption in these places. Its like they are pushing me to leave by playing these games with me or forcing me to file a grievance to do it through proper channels. I dont trust proper channels as I usually have that turned on me or used to turn the tables on me. The staff should not have to be told and if someone is working at this place it should be about US not them enjoying themselves. Also staff is quick to treat us like children when it comes to the rules but they do not follow their own rules and that is concerning our health and well being getting enough sleep.
Tonight Shelley had the audacity to say that the only complaint was that I have a hard time getting up in the morning. Now tell me that isnt quietly sadistic due to her knowing that the noise keeps me up and sometimes till 11:30 I dont sleep and then often the noise from the post office underneath us is as early as 3 am like Sunday night. It sounds very loud whatever they roll on the floor down there and it wakes some of us up.
Its interesting how they didnt start to make noise until after most of the women fell asleep and those on meds are going to be knocked out for sure. Its a good ploy if thats what this is becuz most of the women will not be disturbed by the noise at the desk now.
The girl in quextion is this tubby younger brunette who looks butch and I thought she was gay until I saw her kissing this skinny blonde kid who sleeps outside named Andrew. Hes a bit scary like all the outdoor kids but hes young enough to still seem cool. He's ICP and I have had alot of trouble with them as sneaky perps (but I always finally get an association of perp with ICP due to them NOT being stealth in some way). That little nightmare from Berkeley CA a few months ago- the 18 yr old that Austin was screwing....god she was a nightmare- she was ICP too. Worst brat I have met in years..cute though. Monkey really made my day when he told me about what was going on between those three. Revenge for screaming at him that he was a lazy hippie probably. Funny I just thought of him today...I got this impression he was thinking of me and he felt bad for some reason. Probably just my mind wondering. He's probably in Oregon somewhere happily messing with some hippie girl and minding his dog. The people around him used him a bit and I didnt like that and he tried to help me but he was too young and he sounded like he only knew the cover story- the drug and money laundering thing. He tried to make it sound like it was the FBI and why am I letting this destroy my life? Why dont I just ignore it like other people he has seen with the feds on thier ass for life. I wanted to tell him the truth, I wanted to ask if he knew anything about programming or non lethal weapons or technologies or the human radiation experiements so closely connected to MK Ultra through the Naval hospital and did he know that the CIA had files destroyed years ago so no one except the right kind of people in the know will ever truly know the scope of those projects. I wanted to ask him all of that...but I know its best to keep the lines of communication clear to not let in the uninitiated and if he is just bluffing then its best if I do as well.
I dont think letters are going to help this situation. One long time employee like Shelley is worth many of clients like me. All they have to do is give the bed away to another person. It would be different if the rules did not say that it has to be quiet after 9 and we didnt have to get up at 5:45 am due to being out on time for the post office. They dont even give you time to wake up in your bed, they expect you to jump up when "good morning" is called out and lights turned on. It really is very unfair and unecessary- we dont have to be out until 6:50 am and we only have one chore day a week. Most of the women are just sitting around waiting to leave...why not let us sleep instead of sit around. We spent alot of time here waiting around for staff and I think its on purpose. For staff to leave in the morning or for them to show up and open the gate at night. It bonds us with them and makes us dependent on them. That along with them being so strict with rules like we are children WHILE THEY DONT FOLLOW THE RULES creates an environment of intimidation and fosters dependency. It makes us very dependent on them. They control our time and that is a tactic.
If that is the way this place controls thier clients how is me writing letters going to help? I will try it just becuz I feel its abusive to me and the other clients and if I get fed up and leave or get asked to leave after finally breaking out of being controlled by loosing it (which I should not have to) then I want to know Idid the best thing for fellow homeless women as well as for myself and it will be on file and the internet the letters I wrote and this will help my book to illustrate how the system works. I suppose its only fair that I give them a chance with proper channels but the problem with that is it seems like they are trying to goad me into a trap. If staff readily and repeatedly disregards respect for clients in this manner and abuses authority regularly (its mild I know but its still the same problems as other places) then what makes me think that going through proper channels is going to be fair dealing? If they cant do right to begin with there is something wrong here. I told Toni about this and she is so much more concerned with power struggles or clients knowing thier place that she had to come to the meeting up here and say to no one imparticular that she does not want people to speak to her in person she wants a grievance written and she will mediate. Why was me speaking to her in person not enough? And why did she not tell me that when I did speak to her in person? All she said the fist time I went to her was that she did not want noise up here either and that is the night it got quiet with a phone call later on. Due to that lasting only one night I spoke to her a second time and she said, looking tired, that she would speak to the staff about it but it seemed like she couldnt control them.
Perhaps she cant control them and that is why she wants it in writing so she can do more if it isnt resolved.
It is now 10::50 pm and the tubby girl is gone from the desk and Shelley has gone to the bathroom and I have been denied my chance to fall asleep at a decent hour. I cannot believe they WAITED until quarter of 10 to start a conversation like that. Its like with the card games they were having, they would sometimes wait until 8:3on to get started. At least I got a bit of quiet tonight with no tv or card game. Its too much the radio on your left side and the tv or movie playing on the right then after the radio goes off at 9pm the socializing and card game is the remaining noise on the left hand side at the desk area with a movie going late at times. I have been guily of this myself and its due to everyone else staying up so I jsut started to stay up and not get to sleep ever since Shelley got back and I realized I wouldnt have the quiet I had when I first arrived.
Staff gets to go home to a bed and thier own space. All day long we deal with crazies at the day center or a very inhospitable city that is especially stigmatizing of the homeless and the poor. Downtown San Diego is rough on common people then we have to come here and have this noisy atmosphere for hours until its time to pass out.
I have reverted to just sitting at the computer and writing...I have gone into this shell and get little else done: partially due to how inconsistent staff has been with authrority and partially due to never having a moment of quiet or peace. I think many of these women like this perhaps as it helps them avoid the reality of their situation those are the ones you see enjoying thier time here. Others are as miserable as I am due to lack of consistency, lack of sleep and quiet. And do we HAVE to have the radio on right when we are woken up in the morning? Its always on the SAME r &b station and I am hearing the same songs over and over morning and night after morning and night. This has also put me into my shell due to it reminding me of brainwashing through repitition. And why cant we have some variation in content? R&B might be very unhealthy or triggering to those of us with issues of betrayal or loss. Its been painful for me at times.
The staff here want to help the ladies here but as a group of women in authority I think they are terrified of the reigns slipping out of thier hands.
Great I go from too much testosterone to too much estrogen. Well at least my period was easier due to being surrounded with other women. It was always a harder cycle when traveling on the road with truckers. Something to do with being around all men constantly and the stress of never being stationary. Why cant I find cool chicks to travel with or a decent place to be housed. Its like the kind of people I would get along iwth just dont exist anymore. I think what has happened over the past 10 years has made it very hard for people to be cool at all. Its soured alot of people or intimidated them into conforming to the misery or sheepishness.
I really should consider abandoning ship and I do not want to do that I know I would be miserable...but maybe getting gang stalked in a country where women are not always going to be held down from being who they are is a better option.
Its hopeless tonight. As long as Shelley has someone to talk to its going to be a bit noisy. There was one night a few days ago where the three of them were back there at like 12 midnight messsing around on the computer. Shelley just left and Katelin is here which means I might be able to get some rest.
Due to all this I have been very slow to get my things done. My allergic reacti0ns to food from taking that Bactrim and having anaphylactic shock are still present and I need to get to an allergist ASAP.
Katlin is moving some drawers around its making a bit of noise...you have to understand that if I become to much of a threat a true noise campaign could go unddrway not one of disregard from staff and carelessness with authority but something designed to get me out of here.
It may even be that perps have done another smear around me here and staff might believe anything. I know there have been a few instances where perps here in San Diego "Stay out of trouble" or "Be good" when saying goodbye to me. I asked this guy at this sunglasses stand what he meant by that and it seemed like he knew my situation or was told or shown something. Katelin did the same thing the other day before the light switch situation the other morning that has everyone so on guard (its so stupid I already forgot about it). I was odd the emotion she put into it "Be good Rachael". I have no life, my health is failing and I do nothing but write all day long or try to get things towards writing my book. I have done nothing but work harder than any one should have to except a pro athlete or a soldier for years now living mobile on the run and harassed in each place I go. Can you tell me why I even deserve a statement like that to be said to me? What are the cops or others telling these people or showing them that gives them this perception?
Are people that stupid and suceptible to the manipulation and control of information? Its incredible what you can do by just releasing selective information. Absolutely amazing. It is the worst psychological prison I have ever seen constructed and it seems to be done mostly with information when it comes to using the public to thier advantage to socially create that prison.
I know damn well that this system and the people who betrayed me ruined my life to the point where I will never be the same as well as have a shortened life span. I bet its all under the guise of some investigation or that I wont talk or testify so the system is giving me a beating. Gee pretty convenient all the other stuff that happened just as that was going on.
I have to write those letters becuz I know its not healthy for me to stay in an enviroment with authority being abused. What they might be trying to do if its conshus is to get me to accept that they system is corrupt and to live with it. I dont know but I might as well fight and lose the way I did with Olnick and the moldy apartment becuz at least after that kind of documentation and me going through that there is no question that I was in the right.
In the worst case scenerio they playing a very sick game of gaining my trust to just betray it soon after. This may be to train or condition me to give up on all whistleblowing.
I saw a woman a few days around the day shelter and it was said she was the Sister who ran the whole CC for the area. I got this look last time I was there coming in the door. As I met her eyes she looked down to some task she was working on like arranging a flower vase..but before she saw the strength and the pride of a woman who will never lose her composure and fights when she wakes up til she sleeps, she looked at me with a definate "I dont take you seriously" with a bit of 'who do you think you are?'. I am hoping to be fair that she just looks at clients that way and didnt know who she was looking at yet. You have to understand that there are not alot of Jews here, Italians or hardcore Irish like off the boat. These are intensely ethnic peoples where I come from and a strong body with a hard look tells who you are in Boston...which is why no one looks anyone in the eye unless its to make contact, ever so cautiously, with friend or foe.
And Katelin is usally very nice to have on staff. No one wakes us up as gentley and she just turned that annoying flourecent light off over the staff desk that the other two insist on leaving on until thier shift is over- what is it that important to see the person you are keeping people awake at night talking to? I like the staff here but they just need to realize that we are not children and most of all you cannot possibly treat people that oppressively while you break your own rules and deny them rest by doing so.
In other shelters it may be easier due to their being a sense of privacy and everyone keeps to thier own little space even though it may be noisy or sleeping on a floor. I hate to say this but I miss places like Joy Junction. Until they started leaving that light on all night it was nice to come in, crash on the floor, not be bothered by others and just go about your own business and no bonding occuring. Its hard to bond with people who you feel are playing little games to control you. I was also told that I should start signing up for chores becuz they watch who is doing that and add that to their assesment. I am NOT going to do that. I have been through so much here due to it being a very bonding kind of place and its unavoidable. Due to this people have hurt me here and there but I am getting healing out of it that I badly need...I am just losing the WIll I need to fight due to having to bond with corrupt authority abuse of power and staff treating us like moms all the time. These issues are not as big of a deal for other people but for a person who has suffered torture these issues affect them MORE than things that seem more traumatic to normal people and due to the way the long term torture conditions our system's it can have the affect of causing sleep deprivation.
You become very sensitized to corruption or authority or power and when fear of that sets in you keep one eye open and cat nap which then causes the light sleep. Due to my allergies and mold exposure changing the way my body reacts to medications I will never take psych meds or even sleeping pills as the mold especailly has made it so my body has upredictable reactions to medicines now and so man docs are ignorant or in denial of mycotoxicosis at all. There are many who understand what one is talking about right away but I do not have the time nor can I take the chances with the inconsistencies of the medical field in relation to mold exposure....look what happened when I did take that chance, when I was too tired to realize that hte AZ doc was giving me Bactrim after I TOLD HER I HAD LIVER DISEAS AND THAT I HAD GOTTEN SICK OFF THE MOLD IN THAT APARTMENT and that I seemed to return to a low level of 'mold sick' feeling when I had to take anti biotics. Now I cant take my vitamins or herbs or even an Advil when in pain or eat certain foods becuz of the reaction to Bactrim.
I have suffered the loss of my life to this level due to situations being beyond my control. I will not expose myself to that again. My survival instincts will take me out of here...I think they know that. It is the first place that I dont get gang stalked out in public unless I leave the downtown area.
Then I get harassed in the surrounding areas and harassed as I return to downtown as a sort of punishment for leaving downtown. THAT is very interesting, that I only get harassed downtown if I come back from going outside of it. Its very overt too. People mouthing 'whore' at stop lights and like that and its only if I leave downtown it never happens if I do not. Random? I think not.
And none of this matters. I know what they want they want me dead, prostituted or at least to not write an expose. You know where you can stick it.
Let me try to get some rest now.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Of course, it's important to note that harassing a target does count as work. At least that's the way they see it. They think they work SOOOOO hard doing this kind of crap.
I dont know who you are but you're funny as hell.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
There is a definate dumb down effect, a dissolution of mind..if that is not the right word its...it seems to block my from being focused.
ALso taking action such as writing a letter to the shelter concerning late night card games, getting anything done that would benefit me or tell onauthority figures as in whistleblowing.
Also I become very anxiety ridden at 530 am and its obvious when it hits me. This causes much insecurity during the day and ads to me being unfocused.
During these times at night I often awaken and ask why am I not writing what happened to me or why am have I not sued Olnick or told someone what has happended to me? It seems crazy at these times that I have let jmy life get this far away from me. Or that I am not more outraged about what has been done to me.
Its aa]mazing the difference in my between these time frames.
again its obvious something this being done to 'jam' certain people if not manage the public.
ialso notice that my posts are incredibly long lately as if I get wrapped up in them where i cant get other things done.
during this time of night I feel much more like my old self in 2003.
Monday, February 22, 2010
Due to artists doing nothing outrageously violent themselves (at least not being caught) people can only wait until something awful is connected to their existence. Like this for instance: http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&rls=com.microsoft:en-us&ei=dvWCS-HzCJSmswPxnrH7Aw&sa=X&oi=spell&resnum=0&ct=result&cd=1&ved=0CAUQBSgA&q=cannibal+corpse+parents+complaint&spell=1
There are also Cannibal Corpse songs that are about the male writer being a victim of female violence as well, not just sexist lyrics always: http://www.darklyrics.com/lyrics/cannibalcorpse/vile.html#10
So when I finally get that perp in a deserted warehouse and interrogate him to tell us finally who they work for via torture (and if all survivors of mc slavery ARE bloodline then we are all related to Vlad the Impaler like Bush, so watch out!) then its due to CC violent lyrics then?
Uh not quite. I am being sarcastic of course but this is just the kind of thing that is USED on targets to make them look dangerous..of course all the people who are trying to say a TI is dangerous are in on the harassment or know of it as the true cause if the person may go postal.
One of the reasons that I use this sort of music is that its what I like now. WHY? becuz I am a victim of extreme torture and abuse. I had a slave like existence to begin with according to most people but what was done to me when the system came after me in 1996 and 24/7 in 2003, a full on attack that lasted for all of Bush's presidency, would have destroyed most people. In fact of the people on the street you see that are 'mentally ill' homeless many of them are targeted individuals that did not have..whatever it is that I have in me and the 'friends' or connections I had that assisted me and saved my ass from total destruction. This system of covert warfare has eaten them alive. IF YOU WANT TO KNOW HOW BAD GANG STALKING IS LISTEN TO THIS BAND. Don't read the lyrics necessarily, just listen. And also how hard these guys play is HOW HARD YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE TO FIGHT AS A TI TO STAY ALIVE.
To those of us who have been attacked by the stalking and harassment system this is battle music. I know damn well that many of the scary individuals waiting for me in suspect vehicles were sent to do the kinds of things that are in these songs. It was intimated to me that alot of bad things were deflected from happening to me. I am not stupid I know what humans are capable of and men especially. Being programmed it just doesnt matter. To die in the course of the mission is expected. Welcome to the world of expendables.
By the way if you dont like this kind of violence then stop being wussies and saying things like "We support the troops" or worse "I support the troops I dont support the war". Having grown up with my maternal grandparents both former Marines, that is the most ridiculous statement I have ever heard and could only come out of the mouth of a civilian. You are kissing the system's ass or you cant admit that you think war is wrong and the human beings that are sent off to war should be 'supported' by NOT BEING SENT.
Dont worry becuz there are plenty of people who like to go to war and career minded military personnel who have advancement on thier minds..they like the military and they are geared towards its ways and the things that go on in the military. However if the public ever saw what a gruesome war really looks like the lyrics in this music probably would just about suffice or not even measure up. I dare you to go deep into footage, journalism or interviews with soldiers. In the old days when my grandfather was coming up families didnt want their daughters to marry soldiers. They dont call them 'dirty dirty dogs' for nothing.
Oh thats right. They dont call them that anymore. Becuz as the world has gotten more politically correct it has also gotten more unrealistic about real life and the true nature of man. Death in all forms has been removed from our day to day lives: everything from coffins in the home during funeral or wake to slaughter houses for food to hunting to disease and dying. We shove old people into homes instead of live with the reality.
I thought about this last night. If you took all the old people in nursing homes or dying homes and put them on the street like the homeless you would see that humans get sick or old, diseased or damaged and that is nature's way, not a stigma of 'mental illness' or its thier own fault cuz it must be drugs/drink for why there are disgusting homeless people everywhere.
You just cant deal with it can you, so you keep this peasant class around you, to make you feel luxuriant, as if you have beaten death or imperfection ever day that guy isnt you.
If anything, CC's music has given me an outlet and been very theraputic. It may have made it so that I DIDNT go postal becuz after what was done to me I have a list believe-you-f*ckin-me I have a damn list. And if I had money and power certain people would not be walking around on thier feet. And I have even thought about it myself but I could never figure out how to get everyone from the Brookline NA, Watertown NA who was in on it as well as Jake, Julie and my mother into the same room at the same time. I could never choose who I hated more. Its probably a very calculated move from this system to overwhelm the target with a mutli directional attack as well as many of the perps being strangers coming out of nowhere and whoever is behind it remianing faceless. Its the perfect way to subdue a person who is a fighter. If cant see the enemy you cant strike back in self defense. THIS SYSTEM IS THE PERFECT WAY TO SUBDUE SOMEONE OR NEUTRALIZE THEM IF THEY ARE AN AGGRESSIVE, SMART FIGHTER. Its not that the target is weak its that they fear a target's power or the target growing to discover their power. That is why so many things must happen at once. And the induced ptsd from so many betrayals and attacks just destroys the person mentally and emotionally over time.
Eventually you commit suicide anyway, unless you give the system what it wants: compliance and an obedient sheep who accepts forced behavior modification through torture. NOPE dont think so. So the system knows you will fight still but they figure they have pretty much wiped you out and they won. Some of these people see the targeted survivor as a soldier who cant stop fighting and needed to be made more average as to get along in common society. They really believe they are helping with thier 'time to put down the sword' bs. They might be more annoying than the jealous destroyers who are threatened by the TI's potential power...for their damn piousness.
If this music was not available I would have no outlet or understanding of the trauma of my situation. I would be totally alone in a world that either ignores what happened to me or doesnt know such things exist in a democratic nation. THIS would have resulted in immediate suicide. Ever sad R&B song would be a call to the grave for what a lover did in betrayal or every song about something interesting or intellectual or poetic would be one more reminder of the system coming after me right as I finished my vocational testing for college..and how I will never be able to perform artistically or intellectually as I did before I was destroyed. Every rock song from good times past is like looking at your own life from beyond death, like a ghost looking at the living. These effects are all a planned part of these actions taken against the target. Why do you think people in the know move away from you or betray you? Its very nasty.
Cannibal Corpse maps out the way through the grave to survival, as this is the reality of being a gang stalking target. As I say that most people must believe me mentally ill that its all been in my own head, so they can keep THEMselves sane. These kinds of tactics to neutralize enemies, silence disidents or conduct humane experimentation are all a documented part of human reality more so for me due to my mother being a documented human radiation experimentee.
I probably would have never even listened to this music unless I had to fight so aggressively..and often that meant traveling very hard very fast around the USA while thinking on my feet AND having to keep up a facade that I was this normal traveling hippie girl. Even in the face of being actively harassed the best face is a stupid one or a poker one. Ignoring things is the best tactic and that takes lots of effort. This system seeks to destroy sensitive people via overstimulation and leaving them no choice but to learn to tune things out. Whatever was in me that was Slavic or Eastern European as in deep and sensitive side, listening to slow and dark (to American ears) Russian or Polish music is gone now. Destroyed. So is my ability to create artwork with this quality or sit very still and reflect. The depth is gone. It feel literally burned out. This is the sick reality of behavior modification. Someone may believe that its done to toughen the person up or make someone less sensitive or anxiety ridden but those are cover stories. Its often done out of jealousy, paranoia, hatred of certain ethnic groups and thier qualities, as well as of women and our natural qualities. No doubt I have had to fight with my male side and CC's music is ultimately male in nature. Its a trick of the sexists behind this system of gang stalking partially- to make me learn to respect, fear and need men by me realizing the value of masculine action and my never being able to truly fight as a man. Its the ultimate taunting and slap in the face to make me learn my place as a woman. I have posted of the sexists I have talked to in on this system and they are ultimately the extremists or cause stalkers you have read about in gang stalking. They have some personal group cause for the campaigns.
I think its interesting we have been so far removed from the 'girrrrl power' trip, which was about as seriously taken or as much of a threat as Hello Kitty! or Power Puff Girls. It was a joke to us..on growing up with women's lib. Gen X women are very Victorian in a way, very natural. We understand women have always had primitive powers that men dont have and vice versa. The 80's were actually wonderfully balanced at least in MA to grow up in. We were treated like women when it was necessary for male intervention due to some reality that we were not men, but otherwise boys knew when NOT to interfere with our independence. I sort of disliked the 'Girrrrl power' thing. It made a mockery of what our mothers and we had worked for and also made feminism look a bit weak--note its "girrl" not woman. Charlie's Angel's in the 70's were women: big boned Halston model types with bone structure to die for but still ladies to a point. Ladies that didnt f*ck around. Nice. Dynasty wasnt bad for this prototype either.
One started to see the decline of real women during the 90's with awful Brady Bunch retro clothes and 'girrrrl power'. Why were we regressing to being girls? All these angry punk rock girrrrls. What about L7 or The Runaways? They looked more like women when they WERE angry young girls than the WOMEN in the 'girrrrrl power' movement looked like. What about Wendy O.Williams or Blondie? Even Sade is more bad ass due to her being unafraid of womanhood. Or Annie Lenox.
Feminism had become a threat somehow. Along with the Hip Hop movement where black men were now expressing turning on women-all women were now 'bitches' or 'ho's' and were going to be ruled by thier being cooler and badder..by being men. This left ALL WOMEN but especially WHITE WOMEN UNATTACHED TO THE CIVIL RIGHTS MOVEMENT. Which left white women or any woman who did not want that scene without a political ball and chain. There was no longer to protect or look after or assist (other than the environment).
Also I notice that the tv show Sex In the City portrays the 90's woman as confused or lost in her own search for self. Selfish and never satisfied...in the end a lost little girl syndrome.
THIS IS WHY WOMEN ARE SECRETIVE ABOUT OUR INSECURITIES AND TRADITIONALLY KEEP THIS AMONG WOMEN AND WOMEN REMAIN A BIT OF A MYSTERY TO MAN. Gee I wonder why. Look what happened when a show came out that portrays us to accurately in a certain era. That show should have been against the law for straight men to watch, especially sexist ones or anyone threatened by such material.
Now post Neo Con, post Bush we have sexism firmly in place again and still an active effort as part of this new post 9-11 police state, to keep it that way. Obama was a slap in the face and to me it's a return of coupling us with the black male and the civil rights movement. That has been put above us once and for all and it was a very obvious sentiment to those of us not smacked into complacent sleep by domestic terrorism during Bush. Now, if you go beyond 'girrrrl power' or 'black power' you are again a threat or worse: a politically uncorrect bitch and a monster.
GOOD SHOW Machiavellians. Clap clap clap. But still, even destitute I can see and I have said so, I have told what I see.
Many people sense these designs and movements but do not understand why they are disturbed by events around them or what it means to them.
You have a right to be pissed and so do I.
If you want to write your whoever about obscenity that is your right and your free Will. But consider that before the listener takes on music for the backgrounds of his dangerous and violent fantasies, there is something present in that mind BEFORE the listening. Something has deeply disturbed him or offended his spirit or some ghost of his forefathers something in the DNA calls to violence, rape and murder.
I fully agree that bands such as CC dont help that sort of situation but the lack of their existence may not have any effect at all. The offender would find something in other media or seek it in real life experience. It would be great if we had a machine that one could just point at someone and tell us who has enough control or 'good' in them to not commit violence but then what would it mean to be human? The reasons for violence range from disease to brain damage to DNA to circumstances long term and immediate. As long as humans have to fight to survive that violence will always be part of us. It occurs to me sometimes that humans behave as just genetically enhanced apes and it's a wonder to me that driving cars and operating machines and owning nuclear bombs more disaster doesnt happen more often. It's amazing actually.
I know I am protected and have had to see little death or overt violence in my life. I take that into consideration always. The violence I have had to deal with in my life has always been covert in nature or deceptions or from secret enemies one cannot readily see. It always involved spying, psych warfare, torture that wasnt overt or control and stalking. I have been at the center of some sort of war all my life along with my mother growing up. For ever creep that we caught on the roof across the street with binoculars there were guys to come and 'dispose' of him. For ever carful of violent child molesters that tried to get me in the car, there were cops to put them in a cell full of stand up cons and tell thier wives what they did to ruin thier lives. This has been more stressful over time than perhaps being killed in one hour or one day. What is the point of living if this is always the reality? And it just got worse when I thought it was going to get easier in my mid 30's. I have never been allowed outside of this prison I live in via some faction trying to destroy me and then some other faction making them turn up missing or crashing into thier cars and sh*t. Its better than dying like in CC's songs I guess but after what I have seen in the last few years- not by much.
Stop all wars and real life violent crime, tell the medical industry to stop lying about organic brain diseases like parasitic disease and even chemical pollution and thier involvement in changes in human health and behavior and get honest about covert warfare. Only then will people not seek to express their anger and rage through music..and as long as there are men of sexual peak age the problem isnt going to go away. Modern man has no idea of the power of the human mind or body..the modern world is a comfy prison of control over primitive man.
I have read thier lyrics and often its amusing in how over the top it is. It can be humorous as in Ace Ventura :
Know whats truly obscene? ME having to live homeless and destitute with the amount of talent and smarts I had..and wanting to give back to society as well. THAT is what is obscene. I guess this society only feels safe when you give back within a system like social services or organized religion. You will all grow very old waiting for THAT to happen.
I love the following vid as it displays thier musicianship in a studio and it looks almost like classical in an orchestra. Especially becuz people focus on the lyrics and not the musical composition which to me sounds like classical music. And no one can deny that the bands that pump out energy like this work harder than you ever have in yer life. Face it...its easier to put them down or laugh at them and ignore the pure energy output or the work involved than to admit that artists are one of the last refuges for expression of human primitive power. OTHER than war or sports which being female I feel excluded out of anyway. I cant take a basketball team seriously if they wear makeup and short shorts..not unless the men start doing the same and along with those tights for football players I may then become an avid fan. Til then American pro sports its just another boring boy's club. And another excuse to associate male violence with American heroism..why arent CC your hero's then? Are you assuming that your home sports team are fighting just for you? Like troops in a war? In my situation all the bands I listen to are fighting for ME as far as I am concerned and some of this music has literlly acted as a plasma hook up, keeping me alive with thier energy.
Still I dont know if I could go on certain days without this:
The world has left me with little else.
What my family,lovers, community and associates did in a plot of evil design and compliance with the system is just as vile as any of these lyrics. But never as brilliant in thier composition. Bands like CC make the perps look like the common bumblers they are, as the group mind tries for brilliant designer and artiste. They fail: the true artist survives and hopefully prevails.
What is a threat to society is the Artist-as always.
Keep fighting. Keep Surviving.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Yer all dead meat. Every citizen spy everyone I can think of. No evidence at all just a witch hunt. To this day I get treated like I am doing something wrong in many places I go just when I sit down and that is from employees of shops many times or train employees on public transit. I talk to other homeless who frequent these places and they dont get treatd the same way.
My mother clued me in once but never told me what was going on by saying shit like "People dont trust a pretty girl they think she is up to something" or that "YOu always look like you have money" even though I had nothing. I understand now that the bastard Boston cops were calling me asking for 'donations' as a way to accept bribes...and if it was gang stalking related then they KNEW I had no money but had to create a cover story scene as if I did. F*ck them.
When the world finds out from another victim witness how the system was abused to destroy more victim witneses from yet another screwed over citizen I hope its more embarassment. What could be more embarassing than 9-11 or Bush or even now? America doenst care who's blood they spill or what they have to do to get thier way..and unlike REAL empires like Rome they hide sheepishly behind Christianity instead of being forthright about thier bloodymindedness. They pretend its not a war but something very different. America doesnt need to be punished with its destruction as now, what Americans hate most is being torn from their Dorothy over the Rainbow Disneyland type reality with happy endings to morality plays all around. You want a morality play? Sorry I have no new testament drivel but I do like the old testiments "eye for an eye"...I can deal with that.
Its time that instead of keeping the slipper from Cinderella and her not getting her prince which is pretty much the treatment that America's fairly tale is getting now, itgs about time that someone told them directly that its JUST A FAIRY TALE and that there is no Santa Clause.
And I will do everything in my power to ensure there is worse than coal in everyone's stocking that is for sure. And all the spoiled brats that had a field day during the hysteria of Bush who stole all the other little kids lolli's and made them cry are beaten severely and put to bed...hopefully permamently.
Even today when just riding a train to escape the city some train employee down near the border had to come in look at me and then go out and walk down the side of the train at everyone in it. It may have been nothing but its probably the same psychological warfare as usual. These morons actually believe or want to believe the system is right SO BADLY and cannot afford to be wrong (just like the judges in the wich hunts of the 1600's) that they continue to use tactics to shake up most guily people. If this is so we can all have a huge laugh at this as if that were true they must think I am this masermind with nerves of steel. Like that movie with Cluseau - all those assasins trying to kill him and he's this bumbling idiot who just gets lucky all the time.. like by tying his shoe at the right moment and similar coincidences. But they are all convinced he's the super spy or something. "The case is solv-ed!". Pretty much, its called a frame up and its pretty bad of a script. I cannot believe they get people to believe this shit.
I was on a bus from St Louis to Florida. I was hit and harassed so hard in St Louis and wasnt ready for the Arctic cold that comes in from the Arctic Circle in winter. You feel like death on your feet...you get hypothermia just wating for a bus. I couldnt deal so I freaked out and jsut bought a ticket to Florida. I was still new at being a TI and was still being activiely harasssed with noise campaings like fire engines and even helicopters and I wll not tell you what color they were cuz you wont believe me. I was also still being wiped and files gone through. It was very nasty. (I thgouth that trucks were in on the noise campagn but since have discovered that they use their engine brake 'jake' brake, on downhills instead of buring up their brakes. this makes a very loud noise and in some places I see signs that they are not allowed to use them. The fire engines I did not imagine as firemen would mess with me directly and wave up to the apartment and be very overt about it.) I went on a wim. Upon arrival I had perps in a truck waiting and got harassed the shit out of in Gainesville. I originally wanted to stay in Tampa but it was so humid I felt I couldnt breathe like I was breathing in water. The Stones fan who owned the hostel was pissed but too bad his hostel was moldy and that was how my lungs got so f*cked to begin with. He said his "friends' in St Louis said I was "nothing but trouble" before I arrived anyway. Screw you dude. By the way that gentle talented Burrito Bros musician you named the hostel after is a wonderful and interesting historical and rock myth figure..you must have been a gentler person back in the 60's becuz now you are just a nasty old man.
In Gainesville I saw some of the worst harassment not due to tactics but the sheer amount of people involved and how they were obviously into sadistically destroying people as part of thier job. They seemed to be in pain themselves on some level due to the results of thier handywork on other human beings. OHH WELLLL you picked your sides, your courses of action. Too bad now.
On the way down on that Greyhound bus these black guys came on and really they were trying to warn me. They said that THE BUS WOULD BE SEARCHED or could be at a later time that day. They just really stressed that the bus was subject to search and kept stressing that while looking at me. It was, now looking back, so hysterical as I literally did not get what was going on. Its laughable now but then it was terribly confusing and only served to destroy my mind more.
I dont understand it. There is this African American faction that seemed to be in on destroying me and abusing me in ways only former slaves could have picked up from cruel slave owners...that or COINTELPRO. Or Africa where voodoo is used along with terror to get rid of ones political enemies. There was also this other faction of blacks that seemed genuinely intersted in helping me, watching out for me. If I was walking into traffic there would be this local black kid just putting his arm out but you didnt see him watching me overtly. When some perps would mess with me there would be this angelic black type, who would show up out of nowhwere and stand right in front of me seperating the perps from me. One time on a bus route I got off due to the driver being very abusive of us and I still say it was gang stalking related. There was a car wating there and I talked to the guy for a minute I sensed he was sent there to watch me. I said something self depricating like that I was crazy anyway and he replied like he knew me "Your not crazy girl". Him I didn like so much as the guy with him kind of acted like he was getting off on my situation. Its hard to tell friend from foe as many of these people get off on the power trip of all this. To this day I dont understand if this was one solid effort at good cop/bad cop, psychological warfare to mess up my mind or a true battle between factions--but why so many blacks?
If indeed someone was assisting me it is appreciated but most of the time I really genuinely was not in danger unless they were going to plant something on me as a frame up. I doubt if that would happen as I wouldve started blabbing about a federal investigation back home, money laundering, Jake, Julie, my family, everyone lying to me and gaslighting me- the whole thing. I think it was easier to frame me up by intimations and such so that NO ONE HEARD MY STORY. Remember that is what this system fears most- exposure.
I read that the TI with a lawsuit..from AZ hes on here somewhere. He has a website its linked here on the bottom I think. Anyway he said something about Cher being targeted and them using her being involved in the drug trade as an excuse. Maybe its her ex being a jerk. I recall Jake had to proudly announce on day to me with his chest puffed out that he had met Govt Mule. I was like "uh, OK whatever" and only months later on a planeride to AZ after my settlement for the mold exposure did I see them on the cover of some magazine. Same crowd, same 'help' or assistance for male seen as screwed over by attractive female? Jake looks alot like an Anglo/Germanic Nord anyway (and he is the one who is actually a Jew, ahahahah while in St Louis they were making Jew comments to me and I didnt get it cuz I am not Jewish but I look it. America sees dark Italian coloring and Lithuanian features and thinks 'Jew' due to being idiots. Even the guy that owned the hostel this old money,WASP,related to the Cabot's social register type, hippie who had dropped out long ago, dropped a few very telling comments. These were again cases of mistaken identity and very comical to me. My programming jsut kept me in this great 'bimbo' front alter so I jsut sat there- I recorded ever word, every voice inflection, every detail for the mental files but I sat there like a lump on a log in response. Partially also becuz it was so far fetched. Not much of the script of what was going on around me made sense to me.) so they probably naturally side with him. Here I am this dark haired woman with what seems Semetic features. That art teacher who clued me in alot to info who I modeled for, told me once that I was suspect to American culture naturally anyway as I am to dark and built. To 'semetic' looking and they natrually associate this with 'evil'. Its laughable but its very true I think.
Anyway, being in the drug trade must be some commmon frame up becuz it seems to figure alot in peoples stories. This woman in St Louis told me that none of it matters and the feds "arent stupid" and until I am given a subpeona dont do a damn thing with it.
Well after what I have seen of the gang stalking system it seems that there is an entire system that has alot of info that you would not think accesable. In fact you could create world peace from what I have seen but instead its used to create world chaos, manage crime and ruin lives, destroy brilliant minds and talented artists.
Dont make sense does it? Welcome to the dirty tricks sector. Just like the great film Law Abiding Citizen says "...he does some really f*cked up things so you and I can live the good life".
Well now you get to read about how some of it works and the price paid for our way of life. Some people dont want to know the cost. Selfish indeed.
ALso I dont appreciate the insult to my intelligence which I might be looking to extract payment for more than anything else. I dont like stupid people but am tolerant as many people are tolerant of uneducated, uninformed people like myself. Programmed people are very smart but often held back for years so they really dont understand how the 'real world' works. Thus my stupid mother trying to cover her ass, the family's and mine by calling people and whining/begging "She doesnt UN-der-STAND". I am sure our family has attracted all kinds of wrath at these attempts to make excuses for behavior. I would have prefered my mother never do this becuz it may appear she cares but really its a control tactic. That being said now its the system's turn to have to answer for its behavior. I unlike my mother dont need anyone to make excuses for me, I never did. I tried to improve my life and did everything I was told would be good for me or in the interest of becoming a productive person. I was actively kept down from doing that as well as passively not given the same assistance readily given to others.
My mother begs the system as she fears its corrupt authority and is used to making deals to survive. Its about time someone stopped cowering before the bully, spit in its face and said outright what the truth is. Let it lose its temper all its wants. One can only see how much weapondry it has or how the beast will react by activley antagonizing it. Mostly it will just arrogantly smirk at you and then systematically ignore you like small potatos- the expendable loss that you are in the big game.
MAKE IT COST THEM SOMETHING THIS TIME.
Payment should be due for all arrogance and power trips. Make em pay. The truth usually scares the shit out of your average American anyway as it seems to scare most grown ups.
I laughed when I saw Mother Teresa's face next to mine...not quite my methods but if it gets the job done fine then.
Thanks for the exposure and a crituque that sounds more sensible than most of my posting. This is what I need really. I am like this crazy artist lost without a manager to help get along with the 'real world'. Its very hard but the core of my work does make sense and I want every one to see the changes daily and over time in a targets life. I only take a post down if its especially damaging to the cause or the overall big picture of targeted individuals.
Travelling the country I have realized that the northeast or even the north or the east alone are very different from the rest of the USA. This place is too godamn big. The regions of the USA are akin to different countries really. Even though San Diego is technically CA there are specifics that make it really a part of the southwest. I cannot believe around the USA how swearing or cussing as they say in the mid west is frowned upon. Its a part of everyday speach in Boston or NY perhaps due to sailors in the old days I dont know. You are conditioned not to swear around 'grown ups' or other people where you have to be respectful but its only temporary. I feel very stifled in most places when I can sense that my swearing as a natural part of expression in speach is dwelled upon. Its censoring and I cant stand it.
But this made me realize that much of my blogging and other things I do make common people NOT familiar with the northeast think "well this is why she's targeted". People really take to focusing on the eccentricities of TI's. There are plenty of people in the northeast that swear daily as a natural part of living that are not targeted. There are also many people who speak freely on sexual matters or religion that are NOT targeted.
Human beings become targeted for very specific reasons. This is a business like any other and no one with access to THIS much money or tech or man power makes decisions based on the silly things that the smear campaigns lead people to believe are the true reasons for TIs being targeted. Its all very vague under examination isnt it? That is becuz its bullsh*t. If someone was targeted for being oversexed or swearing too much or pure jealousy or some moral jugement there would be nothing left but Targets and Perps. It wouldnt and does not make any sense. Dont fall into the smoke and mirrors. The decision to have a TI targeted is a business decision and never forget that . Somewhere there is alot of money involved and something is at stake. Getting off on torturing people or tangible rewards/perks are just by products.
And the insanity or 'down the rabbit hole' environment that is created is just a tool it is not the reality of the situtation. I dont care HOW many crazy perps you meet who seem everything from programmed to brainwashed with brain damage, Christian extremists to Satanists, sexist, racist, puritan to pervert...NONE of these people are the designers of the campaign and none of them represent the power behind it. They are soldiers, toys...figures on the map to move about in the theatre of war.
Always remember that to have a TI targeted to begin with it took a very cold and sensible business decision not the seemingly random insanity that is brought forth after such a decision is made. And if you are a survivor of programming that is higher level then you have most likely been 'managed' your whole life anyway and only when the system wants to bring you back under control will you experiene its full force. Either that or you are being deprogrammed by the same methods deemed illegal a decade ago consisting of kidnapping, rape, abuse, humiliation and other psych warfare all part of behavior modification TO ERASE YOU MEMORIES AND YOUR ABILITIES...to make you average and keep you silent about what you remember about being programmed in infancy, anything you experienced during your life while working for the system and anything you can map out to show the world the structure of your own internal programming.
Other people dont know why they are targeted but there has got to be a reason. Every crime has a motive and to get that much focus that must be costin alot of money somewhere its GOT to be either an investment or a protection of an investment. The perps seem fools but the puppet masters are far from that. Its very calculated and dont you forget it.
We need people like this to pull all the info together sensibly. I have not read the rest of the blog other than she includes Eleanor too.
And stop writing me telling me not to hurt myself. I post what needs to be posted to allow people to see the changes. You have two outcomes, perhaps 3: I either snuff it and you or I will not have to worry anymore as I will be dead, I write my story first then ..whatever but that book needs to be manifested- OR- I succumb to all the behavior modification and accept that I am some loser who should realize I can never win and in a world of many I am just one average person as well as my story no one is going to believe anyway or help me..and should start working for my retirement and blend into the crowd and keep silent about everything. The system beats me down constantly with this sentiment EVERYDAY and its the worst in a while here in San Diego, CA where the herd mentality rules. It takes all of my Will just to do simple things here. Its got the fire power of St Louis but they dont want to kill me or hurt me severely- they just want me to shut up, act normal and get a damn job. I may just prefer physical torture and attemtped murder compared to being tortured with that sentiment.
NOTHING is worse than the death of the true Self or one's life experience. Physical pain and death torture and suffering are preferable to 'forgetting' one's past or who one is, was or could have been. Its a very sick society that seeks to destroy the individual for the collective, the true Self for a newly created false 'self'. This is a society that takes a pill for everything (except pain nowadays- THAT is encouraged of course now). If you cant function to make money, be social and pay taxes and own 'stuff' then you need to take pills cuz America needs to get on with it. My mother thought nothing of taking anti depressants temporarily just during having to move. Being a person who is very into her home and her stuff moving was traumatic for her. People just dont have the strength in them to face dramas or traumatic events. This is extremely unhealthy for the human animal and the species. How did our ancestors survive? Granted there was not the stress on them as there is on us due to chemical and electro magnetic enviromental pollution, which may be the number one reasons for all these new conditions anyway but they will to survive should prevail. Yes often that means blocking things out or not dealing with things, but when a system is doing battle with you by seekin to control you so it can cover up corruption then it is seeking to INDUCE that reaction for its own purposes. THIS time it WANTS many of us to shrink before the challenge, to not be able to deal or face up. This it will use to handle us into being silent about our experiences- nothing more than victim witness intimidation.
We must fight not only those who are Machivellian enough to know EXACTLY what they are doing (who are actually easier to deal with) but we must also deal with the numerous useful idiots they employ often without thier knowledge. A TI often in these people's eyes needs to be fixed, needs to be reformed, needs to be brought into line, needs to be re educated, saved, punished, murdered, taught a lesson or know thier place. There are SO many factions they utilize or they realize when they put a certain story out that many factions will respond to the smear in these ways towards the TI and they use this to thier advantage.
This is the main reason that telling my story is so undesirable. If I finally have a voice if I finally tell my side if you will then the smear people HAVE NOTHING MORE TO WORK WITH unless they can manipulate people who have not read my story. Thats when you just let the story do its work for you and whatever else happens is none of your concern. This system works on painting a picture of the TI and if you have done a self portrait then the frame is already filled. All they can do is to try to paint over it or smear that. At that point f*ck em.
One must always question WHY its so important to silence a target from telling thier story if indeed no one is going to believe them as they keep pushing. What, it will ruin my life and my future? Those are already ruined.
Its a trick of the system to try to bring us back in line again by making deals to keep secrets. In the old days when people like me were under control they just fed us whatever kept us quite like drugs or money, glamour sex fake friends. When you get honest they seek to get you into the jail like system that IS the dysfunctional pedo family of mind control. Dont respect authority, fear it for its corrupt , bond with said authority keep its secrets and you will be rewarded. The rewards just arent big enough for me and I was never paid off properly. The attitude when it comes to me is that people can do as they please with me and I have no power to fight back or defend myself. I am not worth paying off as I am more easily pushed around or intimidated. This does not fit into my life plans especially since making me lose my looks. THAT is worth my own death as well as the death of anyone else due to nothing being more valuable in this world than a work of art, beauty or intelligence up there with artistic talent. Destroy those and you ask for death. I am as I was now dead. Why should I, at all, further seek a life as a citizen of what world they offer me? I will never leave the cold darkness they have put me into and its a joke on them anyway cuz in my programming there is this sort of darkness paritally present. It doesnt bother me its just not supposed to be EVERYTHING about me. Its supposed to be a part of me not the whole. Along with this were beautiful structures, imagination and all the light- the positives of knowledge and potential to gain knowledge.
In short these forces came into my 'temple', dragged me out through the front hall, raped beat and destroyed me, destroyed my temple, then left me for dead and now seek to enslave me....needless to say I am not happy with this outcome and I seek return of what is mine. Since they cannot return this to me as time has taken much of what was valuable then I seek only to destroy and perhaps I consider sometimes to rebuild...but IN MY IMAGE..not the system dictating to me my shape and form within ITS structure. If not then all 'construction' will cease via the death of the vessel. This body.
Do not f*ck around with my sense of Self or my sense of ownership or of space. I notice that a natural territoriality that both my mother and I have is sought to be destroyed by this system. Its goals are VERY different from what it presents to the public and they have NO IDEA of what is being lost, destroyed and altered as they think they are just helping some f*cked up woman get out of homelessness, irresponsibilty and get employed. To destroy a human sense if Will power is to destroy ALL. Life is someone elses once this is no longer owned by the inhabitant of the body in question.
I have never seen the attempts as now to destroy or alter. But then my Will was never as strong as it is as A FEMALE IN HER MID TO LATE 30'S. They knew this and they fear this. It was always easy to misdirect me, lie to me, frustrate or confuse me or discourage me. It is not so easy now and so they need to turn up all the buttons to full tilt.
Good luck cuz there are two choices for an outcome for me- either that story gets written or I am a dead woman per my programming. Outsiders cannot interfere.
And dont worry even if I have to tell the story in some babbling on video for 8 hours becuz I cant write due to constant interference I will do so. Itll get done. I am sure they love the video idea as it would make me look like an idiot. I have a way of using the talents I should have used for art in my vids so something will come of it to my desired outcome no matter what the opposition.
One has to wonder why the arts have been a main focus of either keeping me from expressing myself in them or destroying actual artwork I have created. This also requires payment.
Its the same as it always was. Instead of paying ones debt, one would rather burn at the stake or frame up one's creditor. It never really worked as these things have a way of equaling themselves out.
The system here in San Diego has been very hard to deal with. I dont leave becuz I dont get gang stalked here which was really wearing me down. That psych warfare is the worst of this and I couldnt take it anymore. Just over in Victorville northeast of here in CA it was overt. Here its very subtle along with other harder to detect forms of brain washing. Its a very effective system and a TI will stay here due to the homeless scene being mellow and it being a major city with opportunities and no overt gang stalking. One does however feel watched intensely and that includes inside buildings (not all but its frequent) often where one cannot see cameras in sight, but we all know that pin hole cameras exist so seeing nothing means nothing. And though I hate to speak about tech becuz it sounds so much like insanity this place is obviously capable and 'wired' for sound if you will. Lets just say I couldnt even write this post it was so bad or get anything else done for that matter until I took my cell phone and put it over that spot in the small of my back. I used to use magnets but this kind of remote influence hasnt been this hard on the Will since Boston. The ideations are not as cruel here and the remote influence not as torturous. Its more like constant gentle pressure to conform and that includes sexual stimulation in attempt to have me go out and get a male companion. This all ceases once that cell phone is on my spine...let me explain ( there is a spot on my spine that has always been fascinating due to any stimulation of it doing..er 'unusual' things as a result. I believe I read somewhere this may be common as an implanting spot for mc slaves. Perhaps this is just genetic or normal in human females but not common knowledge. Its sad that such a thing is used to torture someone or to control them to supplant the Will. Something tells me that its for pleasure and not for what this system seeks to use it for. They are abusing it, another reason they need thier asses kicked by and expose.) These attacks are daily here now and much of the result is sexual stimulation that results in me, along with all the years of torture, believing that I have no other way out but to engage in being part of the adult entertainment industry.
One can see how religion cant help a target nor anything else but truth, logic, science and other things helpful. Jesus is not going to solve this. Its a battle and concepts of a god only confuse things. Besides when one group comes after you trying to make you feel bad as a whore only so that they can make you back into one, you start to distrust this whole system and realize NO ONE is to be trusted and the moralists play on the same team as the whoremongers and supposed Satanists.
I believe that the only end to that outcome would be to discredit me, once again we have to look at the business end of thier goals. In the beginning I was constantly being harassed with attempts at entrappement. This is a forcing of those circumstances. If I dont willfully get into ever car that stops by me and opens the door intimating I am a whore or after the focusing on that so much in the campaign, then force me to do such things in some other way. If you look closely at each stage of this game you will see that its all calculated as well as its always pretty much the same desired outcomes on the systems end.
Also without overt harassment its very easy for me to get alot done. This is also a place of many mentally ill homeless and I wonder if that is also a desired outcome for me..if I cant get alot done where there is no harassment perhaps this problem is that I am insane after all? Another attempt at driving the person into a label..and how long have they been trying to do THAT in many forms? It always returns to the same outcomes but due to them using the same tools to do so, the counter moves are of the same-exposing thier tools usage.
A counter tactic such as the cell phone on the spine is used. That can only mean one thing.. tech is being used very similar to what I have read about along the way of these experiences or I have a disorder that manifests itself in me fooling my mental illness by putting the cell phone on my spine- but that wouldnt explain all the leaking of info by strangers family and associates alike. The system is hoping that I will eventually appear to the public that I probably imagined that too. Its so important for me to NOT map this out logically for them to win this war.
As usual Up Yours.
Again thanks for the inspiration by another blogger appearing and not sounding like a disinfo agent. oh thats right, that is for the yearly protests in Washinton where they wear tin foil hats to get their point across. Uhhh, its not working is it? Do these organizations have ANY fashion designers or artists working in them? Thank gods for the few musicians are writers that make it believable again.